Venting Writing

Venting Writing #6 (Part 1)

26 April 2015 4:13 pm

Thoughts....

Inspired by "Believe" by Mumford and Sons and a couple of other songs Top Tracks in the United Kingdom on Spotify as well as my iTunes library. ^-^

Since returning back to school this semester I have been feeling lost quite often.

I have also lost my determination, inspiration, and just overall myself.

I don't have the same motivation I had before

I am losing my concentration A LOT more now

*I swear I have ADHD and have been saying this for many years now*

I really lost myself when I first got sick this semester

Usually when I get sick it lasts like maybe a week

But ever since last semester when I get sick it gets pretty bad.

Last semester I basically came to school sick

I say this because I was sick from late August until October?

Yeah October around midterms and I finally went to the hospital because it was just getting worse and when I finally went I was prescribed something for allergies

After taking the allergy meds for about 5 days I was finally feeling better than I was before

And was doing better but then after the 6th or so day I returned to where I was in the beginning only this time it got worse

I had a really bad cough from late August to now (basically)

Might be bronchitis but I'm still working on it...

I know I know "I need to take care of myself", "take better care of myself", "put my health first before anything to get better" and so on I have heard it for years now

I know good and well that I need to take better care of myself

But I am very stubborn especially when it comes to school and work

I strongly dislike being late to work and class or anything for that matter

But unfortunately that is all I have been doing this semester

Be late to everything whether it is 1 or two late or half an hour late or an hour late

I am now usually always late to everything

I lost my motivation and drive to be on top of everything now

It feels as though I have given up on school, work, trying, everything

Even Life.

It's like I don't even try anymore which makes me sad and down.

I have tried to get my motivation back but I am so far in the dark that it feels like unless I do something like get out of this country to travel and/or study abroad or find a good job to pay off everything within the next couple of months as well as save for the upcoming semesters to pay for books and supplies and such

I will continue to stay in the dark....

Feels like I have Persistent Depression, anxiety, and ADHD

(all controlled for the most part with no help from any meds)

This is not the first or really second time in my life that I have felt like this