-this december-

-chapter 10-

TW- alcoholism, depression, bad parenting
November 30
Stan POV

i trudge into my house, shedding my jacket while i walk in. school was absolute shit today. everyone kept giving me these weird looks of disgust or pity. i've been avoiding checking my phone ever since kyle showed me that post.

he's been so great. not just now, but always. ky's always been there for me.

well, i guess there was that one time, but we were kids. i can't hold grudges like that for forever.

besides...
i love him

"stanley!" my mom calls, shaking me out of my thoughts.

"what?" i answer back. she walks into the living room, a sympathetic look on her face.

"stanley, your father wants you to stay with him for the rest of the week."

"heh, no thanks," i respond, flopping down on the couch.

"i told him yes."

"WHAT?!" oh god, no she did not. i hate staying with my dad and she knows it.

"i'm sorry, but you haven't seen him in a while and, in light of...recent events, i thought it would be a good idea," she winces. so she does know. i guess she saw the post or something.

this is all so stupid.

-

my dad is in the middle of a drunken rant. it's annoying, and mostly about mom.

"you know," he slurs. "i never loved your mother. i only married her 'coz she-*hic* gave good han-"

"OKAY, i'm going to go take a shower," i tell him, desperate to get away from this conversation. plus, the shower is always a good place for a cry.

how amazing, my life is turning out perfectly.

-

my hair is still wet from the shower, so i tuck my beanie in my back pocket instead. the stupid tegridy farms shirts that dad makes me and shelly wear when we're here are so god damn uncomfortable.

i miss being home already. i walk back into the kitchen, wanting food, to find dad standing at the counter. he looks over at me, and raises one of the beer bottles he always seems to be holding.

"so, stan," he begins. "i heard that you're gay?"

no point in lying. "uh, yea dad. i'm bi," i tell him.

there's no real expression on his face. he just nods. "always knew you had a thing for that kyle kid."

before i can answer, he reaches behind him and grabs another beer bottle.

and hands it to me.

and walks away.

he doesn't know.

of course not, why would he know?
why would he care??

it's ok, stan. all you have to do is put the bottle back in the fridge and forget about it.

who cares, just drink it

no no no. i can't. i won't.

aw come on. just a few sips and all your pain disappears

i can't i can't i can't. i promised myself. i promised kyle

kyle doesn't give a shit. you know none of them care about you

that's not TRUE. kyle- kyle cares about me.

well, kyles not here right now and things aren't getting any better. wouldn't you like an escape? a way to release all your pain?
you can't argue with that, now can you?

c'mon it's just a few sips.

yea that's it, who cares?

i lift the bottle up to my lips.

i'm sorry kyle