-this december-

-chapter 15-

TW- mentions of drugs and drinking

December 2

Kyle Pov

I step out of my mom's car and wave goodbye to her as she pulls out of the driveway.

stan didn't show up to school today so i convinced her to take me over to his dad's house. i'm really worried about him. he hasn't been like this in years. i thought he was getting better. i guess he was, but then that stupid wendyl. GOD, i just want to punch them.

i knock on the front door. randy opens it, looking pissed. he glances down at me, then relaxes. "oh hey kyle," he drawls. his eyes and bloodshot and he smells like weed. god damn it.

"hi mr. marsh," i force a smile. "is stan here? he didn't show up to school today." he blinks, the nods and steps aside so i can come in. "he's in his room so you can go on over. keep the door open, though," he winks at me. does he think me and stan are together? my face flushes at the thought. what??? why am i reacting like this?

i hurry over to stan's room and knock on the door. there's a faint mumble from inside that i assume is 'go away'.

"stan? it's me, dude," i tell him through the door.

"kyle?" comes the muffled response. the door creaks open soon after that. stan marsh is standing in front of me, fluffy black hair mussed and his beanie sliding off his head. his cheeks are red and his eyes puffy. he looks like he's been crying. a lot.

"kyle, wha-? how- how did you get here?" he leans against the door a little.

"my mom drove me. i wanted to check up on you, you didn't come to school today," i tell him. i reach out for his hand, the one that's not holding the door, and intertwine our fingers.

he squeezes my hand, then looks away. "i-i'm fine-"

"no you're not, stan. and you can't keep telling other people that. it's ok to tell people how you're really feeling, especially your best friend."

"my super best friend?"

"your super best friend." i smile at him.

he steps back into his room and i follow him. it's a mess in here. there's what i assume are alcohol bottles scattered along the floor, an overflowing hamper, his bed isn't made and the blankets have been tossed around.

stan must realize i'm looking around cos he squeezes my hand again, diverting my attention to him. "i'm sorry," he says.

"hey it's ok," i reach my other hand up to his shoulder, and rub small circles into the skin there, trying my best to comfort him.

"it's not though," he leans into my touch a bit. "i mean, you shouldn't have to come all this way because you feel like you need to check up on me. i shouldn't be burdening you with my problems and how i'm feeling."

"dude, you didn't ask me to come over," i remind him. "and of course i'm going to check up on you and listen to how your feeling. that's what super best friends are for, right?"

stan sniffs and nods. his shoulders begin to shake. it's his sign he's about to cry. i remove my hand from his and wrap my arms around his shoulders, like last time. he sinks a bit, falling to the ground. i follow him down. pulling him closer, i let him begin to sob into my shoulder, his ragged breaths shaking the both of us. he's practically sitting on my lap. it's not weird though, right? he's my super best friend and i want to comfort him.

gently sliding his beanie off, i run my hand through his hair, then smooth it down. it's what my mom used to do when i was upset.

"it's ok," i whisper to him, using the arm that's still wrapped tightly around his shoulder to continue to rub circles into his back. his grip on me tightens as his sobs rack his body. i'm worrying he'll run out of breath, 'cause of his asthma.

"hey, hey, it's alright. i'm here. everything is going to be ok." i tell him again.

"i'm sorry," he chokes out. his crying has subdued a bit, but his breaths still sound rough and raged.

"it's ok."

"i love you, kyle," he says, mumbling into the crook of my neck. i lean onto his head a bit. it makes me smile, for a reason i can't quite place. we've said 'i love you' to each other before, so why does it feel different now? and why does it make my face flush and my heart race?

"i love you too, dude."