-this december-

-chapter 26-

december 5th
tolkien POV

me and clyde walk into to school, silent. the noise around us feels almost over whelming. people around us are talking, yelling. i assume it's about the newest addition to the posts.

kyle's gay.

not a huge surprise for me, but i guess some people just don't have good gay-dars. i believe a side-effect of being gay is being able to figure out your fellow homos. which makes sense for me.

and kyle.

i wonder if he knows about me.

clyde wraps his arms around his waist, drawing my attention back to him.

"you alright?" i ask. he's been acting so weird lately, i don't know why.

he looks like he wants to say 'yes' and lie, but then shakes his head. "my stomach kinda hurts," he informs me softly.

"when was the last time you ate? you might be hungry," i suggest, pulling another pack of goldfish out of my lunchbox. he said he loved me when i gave them to him a few days ago.

i hand the packet to him and he takes it but pauses, as of contemplating wether or not he should eat it.

"dude, seriously," i say, laying a hand in his shoulder. "eat it. i'm really worried about you."

he nods, and tears open the top of the bag, continuing to walk again. "thanks," he mutters.

he's been so off since that post. i can believe that bitch bebe is getting to him. i feel bad, but how can i help? he won't even tell me what's wrong, really. i just hope he isn't doing anything bad to himself.

i need to keep a careful eye on him. he might be a bit overdramatic and stuff, but i still care about him loads. regardless of my romantic feelings for him, i prioritize our friendship first. that's what matters. partially because i have no chance with him romantically. 

clyde begins to eat, which satiates me a bit. 

we continue to walk to our homeroom, which we have together, thank god. he finishes the bag quick; he must be hungrier than i thought. 

i stop him in front of our classroom. "dude, are you, like, eating enough?"

he pauses, seemingly shocked by my question, then shrugs. " 'm fine."

i don't believe him, but i also don't want to interrogate him in front of our homeroom. i nod, and push open the door.

-

"clyde, i'm serious. you have to tell me what's wrong."

he bites his lip and turns away. we're in his house, his dad gone again, so i have my opportunity. i need to know what's wrong. i need to help him.

"nothing's wrong, ok?" he says, refusing to look at me.

"clyde, we've been friends for years. i know when you're lying to me," i sigh. "i'm sorry, but i just- i want to know what's going on, clyde. i want to help. please let me help."

his bottom lip quivers. "it- it's just..." he trails off. without even thinking about it, i wrap my arms around him. 

"look," i say. "i care about you a lot. i really need to make sure you're doing alright with all of this going on. you're my best friend. i need you, man. i-" i stop myself. that wouldn't be comforting to him. i mean, totally straight guys don't tell their best friend they love them, right?

"i'm sorry," clyde mutters into my shoulder. 

"you don't have anything to be sorry for," i tell him, smiling despite myself. "none of this is your fault."

"thanks, man," he sniffles. i nod. 

he pulls away, jaw set in sudden determination. it's cute, actually, but it confuses me. what's he doing?

he draws in a deep breath, hands clenched into fists. "tolkien, i really need to tell you something."

hehehe cliffhanger. im so nice.