-this december-

-chapter 28-

december 5th
stan pov

in what i guess is a turn of event, i'm at kyle's house now.

kyle explained it as his mom's wonderful,
petty revenge against his dad, who's being a massive dick right now.

he tells me the whole story as we walk up the stairs into his room. i know he's really mad, but he's doing a good job of controlling it.

"so, you don't know who did it?" i ask. we're in his room now. i'm sitting in his bed while he sits at his desk.

"well, i do, technically," kyle shrugs. "the post was made by annie. but, i still think cartman has something to do with it."

"why?"

"i dunno, dude. he's just been acting weirder-than usual, i mean- and it kinda seems like something he would do," kyle sigh, spinning in his chair.

"yea, i guess," i respond. i can't keep track on the conversation because of the butterflies welling in my stomach. sometimes when i'm around kyle, i feel like a want to throw up. but in a good way?

i'm not quite sure how to explain it, but it's how i feel. and with the added knowledge that he's gay...well, i guess i don't really know if he is. like actually.

i'm probably being stupid. i just want him to kiss me.

"hmm?" kyle looks up. "did you say something, dude?"

fuck. did i say that out loud?

"uh, nothing dude," i swallow. jesus. "um, so... i kinda have a question."

"yea?"

i look down, picking at my hands. "was, uh, was the post... true?"

"yea dude. i'm gay," kyle responds. that clears up part of it.

"well, wha-what about the other part?" what the hell am i doing?

"what other part?"

"the, um...you know what, never mind."

"no, tell me dude!"

i sigh. "do...do you like me?" i'm not risking anything here, right? he's seen the post, he knows i'm in love with him, so the worst he could say is 'no' and then i explain why i ask and we go back to normal. he hasn't mentioned the statement, actually. is he just ignoring it? everything is so confusing right now.

no response. i fear if i look up, he'll be staring at me in disgust. just because he's gay, doesn't mean that he like me. now that i think about it, who would? sure, maybe wendyl did have feelings for me, but that was ages ago. they probably realized what an insecure, selfish dick i am and knew it was time to leave. hell, i'm selfish for even considering kyle would like me at all. he's probably disgusted at the even idea of it. god, i'm so stupid.

i look up. his face remains neutral, which neither confirms or denies my fears. "i-i'm sorry, i just- i thought that maybe-"

"yes," he suddenly blurts out.

"wha-what?" yes??? yes to what?

"yes. i, uhm...i have a crush on you. love you even," he rushes through his words, trying to get it over quick like ripping off a band-aid.

"oh." is all i can mange to choke out. god, i look like an idiot right now, don't i? i'm just...stunned. kyle broflovski, liking me? loving me?

"i just- are you sure? i mean, its me we're talking about. are you it isn't the feeling of super strong friendship?" i ask. he can't be serious. maybe i dreaming?

"pfft," he laughs. "c'mon, i thought we worked on this." he stands up and walks to in front of me. "you are amazing, ok? i know you don't think very highly of yourself, god knows why, but you are just... i dunno, you're just awesome, ok?" he fumbles over his words, turning red as he attempts to explain. i'm sure i have a matching blush; feeling welling in my stomach. wether it's butterflies or the feeling of needing to barf, i don't know. i hope it's the first one. i don't think it'd be very romantic to throw up on the possible love of your life.

"but, i mean, i'm just...me," i mumble. i still don't believe it. kyle? really? i can't quite be sure if this is a joke or not.

"you stupid idiot. that's why i love you," he smiles and leans in.

he's kissing me.

kyle broflovski, my best friend in the whole world, the boy i've loved for years is kissing me.

i feel like i'm going to explode.

i have to do something, right? i mean, if i just sit here, kyle will think i'm not into it and stop or something.

moving my hands up to his shoulders, i start to kiss back. i'm probably shit at this; me and wendyl never really kissed all that much. just holding hands and hugging.

he starts to push me back a little, making me lean back. i have to move my hands and plant them behind me so i don't fall backwards.

i don't know what i'm thinking.

kyle's practically sitting in my lap.

i don't know what to think. this is all going so fast.

kyle pulls away, suddenly. his hat had fallen off at some point during....what just happened, at now his red curls are falling over his eyes.

"i...uhm, wow," he laughs, seemingly at stunned.

"y-yea, wow," i repeat. i don't know what to say.

"that- that was, uh, awesome?" he doesn't know what to do either.

i blink, panting. i can hear my heartbeat.

kyle cocks his head, looks concerned. "are you ok?" he asks, cupping my face. "do you need your inhaler?" without waiting for a response, he pushes off me and grabs my jacket, pulling my inhaler out of one of the pockets.

he hands it to me, and i take a puff. i set it down next to me on the bed, feeling better.

"sorry," kyle mumbles, all of his boldness from a few minutes ago gone.

"i, uh- you don't have to say...sorry, dude," i say, looking back up at him.

"no, no. i should've- i should've asked before...you know...kissing you," he says.

"it's fine, i mean, i- i liked it?"

he laughs again. "yea, i liked it too."

i think everything is registering right now. "you- you have no idea how long i've wanted that," i smile. i probably look so stupid right now.

"me too," he grins back.