-this december-

-chapter 12-

Fanart is by me!! i might make more for this story cos it's summer break and i'm bored out of my mind

TW-intrusive thoughts

December 1
Clyde POV

"it's ok, dude," Tolkien consoles me, his pretty face twisting in concern. I've been feeling down all day, and I guess he's noticed. I guess I should be calling him my best friend, instead of Craig. "let's-let's talk about something else, ok?"

"uh, ok," i nod. "can we talk about tweek and craig?"

"i guess," he shrugs. they haven't arrived at our lunch table yet, so we're free to talk. "what about them?"

"do ya think tweek likes craig back?" i ask him, pulling my lunchbox from my backpack.

"well, duh. i mean, have you seen the way they look at each other when they think the other isn't looking. it's so damn obvious," he chuckles. it stings, for some reason. is he calling me stupid? i know i'm a bit slow, but...he wouldn't call me dumb. right? even if he did, he's just be telling the truth.

"clyde?" my head shoots up and i make eye contact with him. like he has these few days, he looks sympathetic. "i'm sorry, man. i- i didn't mean for it to come out that way. i think i might just be over observant, it's ok if you didn't pick up on it." i flash him a smile, to let him know it's ok. he smiles back, still looking worried. i like that he cares about me so much. no one else really does that.

i guess...bebe did, but...well, look how that's turned out.  the thought of bebe makes me want to crawl into bed and cry. i really can't believe she would do that...but i deserved it. like everyone else says, i am just a fat, stupid shit.

"clyde," tolkien gets up. "hey, it's ok. i'm sorry dude, i didn't mean to," he slides over on the lunch bench next to me and wraps his arms around my shoulders. "i'm sorry." it's only now i realize i am crying. shit. i furiously wipe at my eyes before anyone else notices.

tolkien looks up at me, biting his soft bottom lip. jesus, that sounded gay. well, i guess that fair 'cos i am. bisexual to be more specific. "dude, i'm really sorry-"

"it's fine, tolkien," i tell him, trying to muster a smile. i just look like shit right now. "it-it wasn't about you. i mean, i was just thinking about bebe, i guess." he sighs, and i catch a hint of sadness. is he-? no. of course not. he's not sad 'cause he likes me. he's sad because he has to deal with my sorry ass every day. i should just be happy so he doesn't have to worry about me. i know i don't deserve him. he's amazing and...i'm me.

"well, bebe is being a sore bitch. i dunno why she said what she said, but you shouldn't worry about it. you did nothing wrong, ok?" he pats my back, then moved back over to his side of the table.

"gah! are you guys ok?" a sudden voice startles me. i turn around in my seat and see tweek, thermos gripped tightly in his pale, bandaged hands.

"uh, yea," i tell him. "where's craig?"

tweek sighs and rolls his eyes. "lunch detention," he says. ooooo, no craig. the perfect opportunity to interrogate tweek.

i pat the space on the bench next to me, motioning for him to sit down. he does, and i lean on my hands.

"so tweek," i begin. tolkien shoots me a look, probably knowing what's up. "what do you think about craig?"

tweek turns pink. "uh- well, i mean-" he splutters. "he- he's nice and all. he's a good friend,"

"well, what do you think of him romantically?" i ask. he flushes even more.

"gah! i- craig is- i'm not-," he panickes, then sighs. "i-i guess you probably already know, so there's no-ack!- point in lying. i have a crush on craig."

i pump my fists in the air and tweek tugs at his hair. "you- you can't tell him though! oh god, he'd hate me!"

"well actua-" i begin, but tolkien cuts me off. "don't worry, tweek we won't say anything."

"thank you guys!" he smiles, then takes a nervous sip of his coffee.

then, the bell rings and we all hop out of our seat to our classes.