-this december-

-chapter 27-

december 5th
tolkien POV

he has to tell me something? is this about what's bothering him? or something else completely.

his soft face is practically bright red, so i believe it may be something else. it worries me slightly, but i feel excited too. butterflies well in the pit of my stomach.

"i've been having a problem with my eating since that post but there's something else that is making it worse snd i need to tell you and get it off my chest before it kills me," clyde says, rushing through his words. "i think i might be in love with you. and i know you're straight and dont feel like that because, i mean, gross, a guy liking you. but my mind keeps making up all this stupid stuff about what you think about me and it's fucking crushing me and i don't know what to do and i probably shouldn't even be saying this because now you're going to hate me and i don't know what i'd do without you." his head droops, tears falling down his face.

i smile. clyde loves me. like i love him.

"clyde...i feel the same way," i step towards him, reaching out to touch his cheek.

he jerks back, looking up at me.

"funny joke, tolkien," he sighs, a bit annoyed.

"i- i'm not joking," i tell him. he thinks i'm messing with him? "i love you, dude."

he laughs dryly, saltwater tears dripping onto his jacket. "tolkien please, stop," he says. "i- i don't want to do this right now."

"clyde, i'm serious. i swear."

"tolkien, please. i already told you, so can we just leave it alone?" his voice raises, hoarse from silent sobs.

"clyde, i- i love you," i repeat. what am i supposed to say? why doesn't he believe me?

"fine," he looks up, eyebrows furrowed and eyes red from crying. "leave."

"what?"

"i said leave, tolkien. i don't- i can't deal with this right now. i'm sorry," he mumbles, turning away again. "please just- just leave."

i don't know what else to do. i pickup my backpack from the floor near me and walk out of his room, down the steps. why won't he believe me?

did i do something?

what happened?