Secret Love Song

The One At The Bookstore

"How are my favorite girls?" 

Naomi came at us with a wide smile and kissed Valen on the cheek, who giggled. I think she was high. She looked high. Her arms were lifted in the air when she greeted us, her hips swinging, and her eyes kind of had this lingering red in them.
She also looked pretty great. She was wearing a skirt with what I guessed to be doodles on it. It was on a light blue color scheme. Also a bit of grey and some yellow. Then she had a white tank top on (her tits were looking chef's kiss) and a little cardigan, I suppose, on top. 

We were going to the bookstore. Apparently, I do that now. 
We agreed to meet in front of McDonald's and I picked Valen up before leaving. She was wearing a pair of jeans, with small hearts drawn over on a darker blue forming a line down the side. She had a small tank top on. It had flowers stamped on it, and it was short enough for a glimpse of her stomach to show. Over it, was a baby pink cardigan, with a little pearl necklace on a matching tone.
No, I couldn't breathe when I first saw her. 

"Hey, besties," Naomi turned her face to the side with a smile. I choked. The bitch was high, I swear to God. "How are you? What's up with you?"
"Nothing much."
"Was the ride over here fun?"
"We took the train. I read, she listened to music," Valen said. 
What she didn't know, and never will, is that I paid more attention to how peaceful she looked, rather than the songs playing on my headphones. 
"What were you reading?" 
"Call Me By Your Name."
"Oh, such a beautiful book," she rolled her eyes, run her hands down her neck, and drew a huge grin. A quick shiver run down my spine. God, they were fucking hot.
"I know!" 
"It's great," they turned to me, "and what were you listening to?"
I had no idea. "Same shit as always," I shrank my shoulders. 
"Well, shall we go on then?"
"Yes," I posed a tense smile. 

They ran around the bookstore giggling, excited. They were in a fucking cloud. I don't think I'll ever understand how they can get so wrapped up over something as simple as a room full of books, but my two best girls? Having that much fun? I can't complain. 
Plus, I may or may not have gone insane when I found the philosophy section. So, I guess it's fair to say that they are on to something. 
Valen found The Picture Of Dorian Gray in a blue, hardcover, and she lost her shit. But it was indeed a good-looking book, and I can't say I disagree with the hype over Oscar Wilde.
Gay icon.
Rest in fantastic, queer hell.
Amen. 

Also, Naomi found Find Me, which is apparently the second book to Call Me By Your Name. 

Now, I know I'm a walking contradiction. I refer to Oscar Wilde as a masterpiece of a human, yet I haven't read Call Me By Your Name. It's insane, yes.
But I will. I made Valen promise she'll lend it to me when she's done with it. 

On the front desk, to charge us was a girl. She was blond, had blue eyes and a beautiful smile. Definitely queer. Her hair had the cutest massive curls, and she had some serious style. She was a 10/10, in other words. 
I gathered that as we were standing in line. Valen was holding on to her book like it'd fly away, and Naomi was already reading theirs, dropping their weight on the left leg. I was bored, staring into nothingness. 
The last guy in line left and the girl greeted us. 
"Hey,"
"Hey," I said back. 
Valen handed her the book and she took a look. "Ooh! This one's great. I mean, Dorian Gray is perfect on itself, but this version is so pretty."
"I know!" Valen cheered. She suddenly seemed this really out-going, confident person I hadn't really met before. It was a good thing, I guess, but it still had this sour after-taste to it. 
"Have you read it before?" the girl asked, interested, smiling at her in a flirty way that made me really uncomfortable. 
"Yeah, but this one has cute drawings in it, so I needed it."
"I completely get that. You know, there's also a version of Little Women. It's adorable. It has a pink cover, kinda like that cute cardigan you're wearing." 
I bit my lip. 
"Really?"
"Yeah, I could get it for you if you liked."
Valen blushed. I had never made her blush. "Uhm, I don't really have money for a second book. But I could come around another day."
"Sure thing," she passed the book through the scanner thing and it made a beep. "That'll be fifty eight." 
Valen reached for money in her pocket and gave it to the cashier. She put the book in a bag and Valen grabbed it. Naomi was still reading Find Me, so I bumped their shoulder. She shook and handed it over. 
"So what's your name?" the girl ignored them all together and glanced at Valen with that same shameless smile. 
"Valen," she said with a small smirk. 
"That's a good name. I'm Sandra," 
"Nice to meet you Sandra," the shy Valen popped up for the tiniest second, with a weird tone in her comment.
Sandra chuckled, finding that innocence I met with first adorable. "Nice to meet you too," the chuckled continued untill the sentence was over, and that bitch smirked again. How blatant of her.

She ran Naomi's book through the scanner, staring at Valen the whole damn time. Then she grabbed a bag, put the book inside, picked up one of those separator leaflets, and slid it inside the bag.
She did it so unbearably slow it gave me anxiety. I needed to leave this place and catch some free, un-uncomfortable air.

"So, Valen, how old are you?" she asked as her hand was being directed in Naomi's way, with the bag hanging from a finger.
"Fifteen,"
"Cool. I'm seventeen. Could I maybe take your number?" I rolled my eyes. I had been controlling the impulse the whole time, but that was just too much. 
She blushed a second time. Ouch. 
"Uhm, yeah, I guess." 
"Great. Here," she handed her phone over, and Valen began typying her number but I just up and left. No way I was gonna suffer through that. 

The city was filled with people. I was expecting clean air, space, no-one around. But I met with a thousand different faces it just felt like I was drowning. It made breathing pretty much impossible.
My vision blurred. I saw Valen and Naomi, or more like blurs in her colour and a disturbed version of their shapes leave the store. They were celebrating. 

I closed my eyes. There was a car vrooming somewhere. There was also layered laughing, talking. It made me shrink and I placed my hand on my nape, scratching it. I wanted to cry. 
I took a deep breath in, and out. I focused on the repetition of this, until the noise blent naturally. 
I opened my eyes back up. Naomi was hugging Valen, who was somehow still laughing. The image set a pressing sensation on my stomach. 

"Girl, she was super cute," Naomi said. 
"I know, right? God, I'm shaking." 
They both laughed. 

And then it hit me. 
There was no natural order that made it impossible for Valen to be interested in me that way. She liked girls. She really liked girls. She just didn't like me.