Secret Love Song

The One With The Club

Wish I could get a little un-drunk,
So I could un-call you
Five in the morning
I would un-fuck you

The girl across the room was smiling at me.

I figured I could go her way, buy her a drink, we'd dance, make out, maybe I'd take her back to the building. The thought burnt my head.
I left Celeste's party because I was tired. I came here to get away from everything. It was all so overwhelming. I was drowning in there.
I needed to get away to somewhere I didn't have to pretend. I tried calling Naomi, but it went straight to voicemail. So I came here.

It had been a long time since I'd come. Maybe a month. The place looked the same, the lights red, the girls dancing, the same berries smell.
I always wondered where the fuck that smell came from. It was so weird.
My drink tasted the same as well. Sweet, bubbly. I liked it that way.

I smiled at the girl. But decided I wouldn't go her way. Too much effort. I wasn't in the mood.
Instead, I drank my entire glass in one big sip and signaled the bartender for another one. I finished drinking my second glass and stood on the dance floor. Danced away.
Time passed by unsteadily. I didn't feel the time run but heard the music switch and the lights flicker. My dancing was messy and dizzy, I felt my body shake as I closed my eyes and went with it.

The street was empty and dark. The only sound was the wind flushing away and back. It was cold at the touch and made me shiver.
I left my jacket at the party, and boy did I fucking regret it. My stomach felt sick, unruly. The thought of food made me want to die. Four drinks in under one hour was really not a good idea. I should have known better.
I usually do. But tonight had come without a warning. The desire to melt onto the ground and disappear from the face of the earth for at least a little bit hit hard.
And now I didn't feel any less overwhelmed, but I also felt like my guts might pop out off my chest at any time. I wanted to die.

I walked my way to my building slowly.
What the fuck was I supposed to do when I got there?

I entered the lobby and checked out Pedro's desk. He was sound asleep. I took the elevator. Without thinking through it, I rang the bell on door 3B.
I should have given this move more thought.
Her parents could have been home.
Or she could have been busy.
But the buzz in my head was too loud, and my brain was shrinking inside my skull. There was no space for thinking at the moment.

For my luck, Valen opened the door. She was in her PJs, with messy hair and a dull face. She held a book in her right hand.
"Hey," I said trying to be cute. I probably looked ridiculous. 

The second she saw me, her face shifted and she was working out a way to help me.
I felt my stomach swirl and the next thing I know I'm throwing up in her footstep. I looked back up, embarrassed and apologetic.
I was being a problem. I hated being a problem.
I rubbed a hand through my face, cleaning up. And when I closed my mouth I tasted the acid and opened it back up. It was disgusting. I was disgusting. Ugh, this shouldn't be happening.
"Sorry," I apologized to her.
"Don't be. It's okay. Come in."

She dropped everything to help me. She took me to her bathroom and told me to wash my mouth and take a shower. I did. When I came out to her room, with a towel wrapped around my naked body, she was preparing a PJ set for me.
"I have water and an aspirin waiting for you in the kitchen," she handed me pink shorts and a same color shirt, except it had some graphic drawings on it. "Here. Put this on and meet me there," she left the room and I changed.

I glanced at the image the mirror presented me with. It was pink with pink dots. It was so girly. It crossed my mind how cute it was that this was actually something she would wear. This was the kind of thing I would have worn to a slumber party when I was seven and my mom was the one who dropped me off at someone's house instead of the bus. I smirked. Only she could pull this off.
I walked into the kitchen. Valen was sitting by the table, a glass of water and an aspirin blaster next to her book.
She looked up. "It fits you," she said, I smiled. "You look cute."
"No, I don't," I walked over to the table, and sat on a chair.
"What? Not your usual fit?" she drew a playful smile.
"It's pink," I grinned sarcastically. She giggled.
"Well, I like pink."
"I know."
She would always find a way to add pink to her outfit. Even if it was just a pink hairpin, I had never seen her without something pink on.

"Here," she handed me the glass of water and took out an aspirin. I took the pill and drank it. "How are you feeling?"
My stomach was still sour and my head kinda hurt, but I was feeling healthier. "Better. Thank you, really."
"I know," a gentle smile drew on her face and I couldn't help but smile back. "It's okay. I mean it." I saw the book on the table and asked her what she was reading.
"Daddy-Long-Legs. It's great." she grabbed the book and started doodling with her finger on the cover.
"Bet. What's it about?"