The Shadows of Nature

1. Continuation

The mildest sense of the cool breeze touched Audrey. A sensation she had experienced countless times and while most had slipped from her memory, each felt different. A moment of its own.

Especially now, with the decreasing effects of such stimuli.

Shadows were scattered across the garden, walking above grass or stone or sand or wood or some other material, going about what was now categorised as a normal day.

Hovering over the ground. 

What does this separation mean? We cannot fly, but we do not touch material objects? Are we still affected by the force of gravity?

Audrey smiled, closing her eyes as she let the flurry of warm memories fill her thoughts. Such questions always reminded her of him which in turn reminded her how much she missed him. Audrey wondered if she could ever stop missing him, if that pang of sorrow would ever leave her.

Maybe... through some perspective, it might not be a bad thing. 

Audrey sighed and shook her head, returning her attention to her surroundings. The shadow didn't know when the time would come, under what circumstances would it come, but she knew she would see him again and hoped their bond would be as strong as ever.

Perhaps stronger. Hopefully stronger.

Audrey spotted many shadows performing a set of actions on a circular field in sync, their auras tight and settled, Its control strengthened with each passing second while each presence blended with Nature, losing its vigour willingly. The environment around responded to each figure, interacting with their auras in manners only each individual understood.

Tinkering with Nature. Of course, Audrey could see it all in detail if she wished to.

Executing the same action again and again in hopes of coming close to perfection so that the job would be done well. Practising. Many trying to bring an element unique to themselves to give meaning to their action. Each little thing mattered, after all. It had to, for any big thing to hold meaning. It had to, for anyone to move.

Liabilities, enjoyments. Negatives, positives. No good without bad, coming to a neutral wave. Balance. What if everything was removed and gave way to nothingness? 

If something didn't exist, to begin with, no one would care about it. Caring took too much effort, too much energy out of each individual. Too many thoughts and emotions to deal with. Too much time lost while dealing with them. Audrey wondered if people wished to care about things less. Or perhaps care less about something in particular. 

 What must one do with a diminishing capacity to care?

Audrey turned to look at the little shadow.

What do you do when the level of care for the world doesn't stop dropping? What do you do when a new element suddenly takes up space? That diminishing capacity centres around one thing instead, still holding on to certain constants that the individual will drag till its time's end.

Iris stood with a small smile as she peered at the horizon, her ears gently perking in the opposite direction. Within a few seconds of assuming that position, she gently flicked her finger to produce a thin spark of green. It pulsated backward till it touched its target, revealing a proud Galen. It continued on its path to brush against the fast one's hair. The lady sped up to stand next to Galen, grinning as she looked at Iris. 

Listening to Galen, feeling Evelyn's movements so proficiently, Audrey thought. What an... ordinary Yuran. Or perhaps the mundane nature of it makes it the most different. Makes her the most connected to this place.

What does this little shadow care about?

"I wonder if all Shadow Trappers will learn the techniques and practice their Yuran so well from now," Evelyn whispered. "Especially if they won't have the usual abilities to focus on. Or to constrain them."

"I doubt they'll be as good," Audrey replied softly, unable to take her gaze off the little one. "Good, perhaps, but not at this level."

Guilt for not feeling as much about others. A wish to do better for her. Doing the same things she once did, perhaps in slightly varying degrees, but unable to understand the purpose of anything. Finding certain activities enjoyable because of the time spent with her. 

Audrey reached closer to Iris and crouched on her knees, gently patting the girl's barren head. The leader paused before a small smile broke out, and the little one returned it. Iris's hand remained relaxed and flexed by her side. She eased the tension as she brought her palm to hold Audrey's cheek, her smile growing warmer.

Audrey fought the tear, unable to understand why it wished to fall.

Audrey closed her eyes, her mind escaping to the embrace of Nature. The breeze, the warmth, the petrichor, the cushioned grass... sensations that were once comforting subsided to let oblivion engulf the shadow.

Silence.

I want to go home. Where is home? What is it? A place of comfort, perhaps? A decreased degree of the unknown, or perhaps an illusion of knowing. A semblance of comfort that stems from familiarity. What could possibly be more of a home than the headquarters to me?

I want to go home, but I like it here, too. There are things to do. This is my place for now, as it has been for a long time.

Everything is fine as it is.

Audrey opened her eyes, holding the hand that still remained by her cheek as she stood up. The little one turned to the older one's friends as they gave their report on her performance, large smiles marking both their faces as Iris returned to her neutral expression.

Seeing the little one hop by the leader's side set off something heavy in the latter's chest. A touch of care, perhaps, held in place by a sorrow that Audrey found difficult to understand, especially with the dulled experience of the elements of life that accompanied her changing nature.

nature is constant. The expression might change, isn't that right? Do we ever change then? Or does nature indeed change? If it does, is there nothing fundamental? Does nothing have any meaning if we constantly change? If it doesn't, does anything other than our core matter? 

If we're all heading to the same place, who cares about anything? If it is set in stone, who cares to do anything? If the world will be destroyed, who cares? Everything has to end eventually, anyway. Letting anything exist for infinity would make it meaningless too. 

Perhaps the end gives meaning to the time.

No one could possibly wish to care less. They would only want to improve their response to an intense experience. But at the moment, caring about the world didn't matter much to Audrey. It didn't matter if Audrey couldn't personally feel or believe in what they did. It didn't matter if she still didn't fully understand everything, or even most things. The doubts, the uncertainty,  The questions... nothing mattered. 

The breeze fiddled with Audrey's hair, as if compassion born from the worry of a friend attempted to come to her comfort. 

Despite all that she had seen, all that was left to tend to, all that she was doing, one thought pervaded Audrey's mind.

I want a pause. How long do I want it to last? Would I want it to end? I think I do.

The breeze stilled, as did the entire world around her. Everything immediately resumed. Practising, moving, conversing, breathing, thinking, feeling, being.

I want this piece to end.

Audrey sighed, smiling as she turned to the shadows around her. No matter what, she was sure of nothing except one thing.

 I must fulfil my duty.