Every pixel that lay in Audrey's vision pulsated, its energy beaming rapidly into a state of rest and out to a state of turbulence, just as Audrey's energy did. The shadow emptied her mind, afraid to think of anything that would lead to her inner turmoil rising again.
Without giving it another thought, A wisp of orange started from where Audrey stood, spreading itself over the land beneath. It spread in all directions, its thickness the thinnest that Nature allowed, its presence only discernible to Audrey and the all-pervasive.
Everything of existence beamed ever-so-slightly, each pulsation releasing the slightest bits of information into the atmosphere, concealed by fragile shells that could shatter with a tap. The light of the world dimmed and the colour of orange pervaded Audrey's vision.
With a deep, deep breath, Audrey closed her eyes and let the questions consume her mind.
Why am I the way I am? What am I supposed to do? What is right, and what is wrong? Everything I have done has been according to a plan. Where will this lead to? Have I made any choices, or have I simply acted according to nature's decree?
Killing Vlad feels wrong. All the creatures I have killed feels wrong. Everything I've done feels wrong, especially because of all the people I've lost. They were good people, and I want them back. Why does the world take away my dear ones? I am so grateful for having the ones I still do, please never leave me.
Audrey opened her eyes to see the orange particles shatter, as promised. However, no information remained as everything evaporated instantly. The lights came back and Audrey stood in an ordinary world.
Nature will not let me see the answer, of course. I wonder if I ever will get any of the answers I seek.
This much is clear to me now; we are always changing and everything is always moving "forward", but the past is always there. It becomes a part of us, and us forgetting it is simply ignoring something that is helpful in a certain circumstance. If the circumstance was to arise again, we would feel lost.
I am so confused and at times, I want help, but no one can do anything. I want to fix everything at this moment even if that isn't possible - I have to be patient, and I have to work with the others.
Some things are broken now, unfixable. It hurts so much, how something so important can shatter at any moment. How much of all of this is my fault? Perhaps that doesn't matter. Perhaps that doesn't matter much.
All the things I've done out of fear, all the mistakes I've made... the world is giving back the pain I've delivered, all at once. Is it all my fault, though? The world is such a cruel place and I do things according to my nature. Do my mistakes imply that I am a bad person? What have I done?
I am trying to improve. I am continuously improving. However, I am alone. Ultimately, everyone is.
Even if I cannot seek your advice directly anymore, I want to thank you for everything you've already given me and for your continued presence. Thank you, so very much.
Turn inward...
Not everything is in my control, but I am. I can fix myself. I must fix myself.
I will fix myself.
YOU ARE READING
The Shadows of Nature
Spiritualenature Perhaps it is the home Perhaps the destination Perhaps both. Can you push past the constraints you have inherited? Can you seek to understand that which scares you? That which you hate? That which angers you? Truth and Time, is this the prin...
