Redemption Song | Levi & Eren

Chapter 16: Hell Is For Children

      Levi overheard Eren's comment he presumed he was asking himself. Levi pushed open his bedroom door, crashing it closed behind him. His room was as he'd left it.

After his sparring session yesterday, he'd wiped down the walls, cleansing it of any blood. He'd have to plaster the small holes at some point in the future.

The urge to yell grew harder to fight every passing second but he denied himself the luxury, knowing Eren was downstairs.

His knees buckled, dropping him onto the bed. It creaked under his weight. The longer the constable sat, the sooner the guilt devastated him.

Since his verbal abuse directed at Petra followed by his shouting match with Sergeant Smith, he'd yet to take a seat, opting to use his built-up energy to walk.

He expelled most of his fuel trekking home instead of taking public transport, elongating the voyage. Gradually, his anger dissipated.

His hands cradled his head, his rage vanishing from his body via deep breaths. His desire to shout disappeared alongside it.

His breaths turned shaky, breathing unsteady hot air into his palms. His warm skin collected the moisture released past his lips. His harsh words floated around in his mind, the tears in her eyes and the pain on her face joined them too.

Levi's rude qualities were widely recognised as his personality. He was known for telling the truth through sarcasm and insults or life lessons, not through bullying. The encounter with Erwin stole second place on his list of recent regrets.

Regret. He despised that word. It sickened him like a cancer, hovering over his head like a black cloud. He'd obeyed the life motto born from trauma for years. However, after returning from Afghanistan, the phrase lost its power over him.

His calculating character twisted to that of a hot-headed brat rushing into things, ignoring plans and acting on impulse. It happened with Willy, it happened with Hanji and now Erwin and Petra.

His scoff sounded like a cry. "A choice with no regrets. What a fucking joke."

The summarised quote increased his shame. His control over his life fleeted with every new day. It didn't matter if it was dreams, meeting abandoned teammates or reliving old horrors, Levi's grasp on reality weakened.

He was a teacher to Petra and a mentor to Eren, perhaps even a father. He grew to despise himself over the world.

There was a knock on the door. Levi wondered if he accidentally summoned Eren by thinking of him.

He made no attempt to pull back the door nor did he address the knocker. His body didn't move an inch, preferring to wallow in pity.

As he suspected, Eren twisted the handle and spread the door anyway. He imagined what he looked like. A sulking teenager sitting at the edge of his bed with his arms protecting his head.

Without moving his head from its secure position, Levi speculated how Eren appeared. He pictured the brat's hand still on the handle, awkwardly standing there in the door space. He envisioned him with a gaped mouth, unsure what to say.

He guessed he'd come upstairs without a plan, running on impulse. He inwardly kicked himself at the parallel.

"Umm...hey." he started, confirming Levi's suspicions. "What's going on?"

Levi stayed quiet and as still as a statue.

"I'm guessing something happened at work?" Eren assumed. "I get you hate talking about yourself so how about we go on a walk?"

Levi, wishing him gone, chimed, "I'm not a dog, Eren. I don't want to go on a fucking walk."

Eren flinched at the fierce tone. Eventually, he left. "Okay," he said nothing else, shutting the door on his way out but it was Levi who'd closed him off.