I Bite (JayWon FF)

🩸19

What the hell does he mean "take in look inside me?" Of course I couldn't ask. Jay places his soft hand on my forehead. At the same time, I felt a bit drowsy. I tried to keep my eyes open, but my eyelids were feeling heavy. I close my eyes for a second and I'm in a deep sleep. 

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TW: Talking about Cancer and self harm

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My father and I walk up the stone road that led to the hospital for the 3rd time this week. The other 2 times, it was a false alarm. I hope this one is too. I look at both sides of us as we walk. I see a pretty nurse helping two people. One in a wheelchair and the other walking. She was helping them to their car. The man in the wheelchair must have gotten discharged today. I hope that will be us soon too...

On the other side I see five people. Two doctors, a nurse, the girls mother I'm guessing and a patient. The young girl was strapped down in one of those bed things, I forgot what you call them. Anyway, the mother looked really worried. Her daughter seemed to be having spasms, seeing how she was jerking. But this weren't simple spasms guessing because she has to be tied down. I didn't want to say, but it looked like she was possessed. Even though I don't know, I decide to keep my distance from her.

My father and I reach the sliding doors and are hit with a cold wind and that hospital smell that I really dislike. My father checks us in and we sit down in the waiting area. I pick up one of the kids book they have and begin to read it. Out of the corner of my eye, I can see my father is tapping his fingers on his leg. Something he does when he's really nervous. I feel like I should tell him something. Like, "it'll be okay, dad. Or "She'll be fine." But I can't, because I don't know that. And sadly, I don't believe it.

My mom was diagnosed with cancer a few months ago. At first, we weren't as concerned as we are now, because the doctors said she had a high probability of getting through it. All she would have to do, is start the treatment. But it seemed like everyday, she was getting worse. She wouldn't eat, she had trouble walking, she stayed asleep a lot more, and soon it became where she wouldn't, or better yet, couldn't get up. The doctors said she has gotten worse and she would have to stay at the hospital. My dad remained calm when they told him this, but at him, he broke down completely. I was more angry then sad.

For one, they said she had a high chance of getting through it. So what happened? Why didn't she get better? But the biggest question for me was, "why us?" Why did my mom have to get cancer? Of course I don't want anyone have it but, I'm not worried about everyone else. Because everyone else is not mom. Not my mom. I laid there on my bed, hoping and praying my mom would get better. "Jungwon, we have to go. The doctor just called." My dad says. And now we're here.

After a few minutes that felt like hours, the doctor called us in. We took the elevator to her floor. My dad hasn't said a word to me since we got here. We walk down the white mable floors that shined brightly. I hate that. We make it to my moms room. She's laying there. She doesn't move her head as we come in. I look at her heart rate on the screen. It seems a lot slowly than before, but it didn't seem like anything to worry about. "We've been trying many different medications and treatments for you're wife Mr. Yang, but nothing seems to be working. The cancer cells have spread to far." They doctor says with sadness in his tone. I look at my father and he didn't look happy. Quite the opposite. 

"What do you mean they spread to far?? You're a doctor, you should be able to fix this!" As my father and doctor went back and forth, I went up to my mom. I gently place my hand on top of hers. They're still warm. I stare at my mom, waiting for her so move, even the slightest. Then she did. I felt her hand below mine move, like she was trying to intertwine our hands. I slowly and gently grip my hand to hers. Just her doing that, gave me hope.

But that hope didn't last long.

My moms mouth open slightly. She utterd words I couldn't make out fully. All I heard, was "Jungwon." And that was it.

The machine made a long beeeping sound that wouldn't stop. My father and doctor both stopped and looked over at my mother. Dad hurried over to her side, calling out her name. I kept a straight face as warm tears rolled down my face. For some reason, I felt like this was my fault. Like I could have stopped her from dying. I know it's a dumb thing to think, but I wasn't thinking straight.

I also had a feeling my life would never, ever be the same again.

A few days later, we had my moms funeral. I looked around at the people there as the preacher read off a piece of paper. My grandpants on both my parents side were here. My older sister who is 24 is here. My aunts and uncles as well. All we're crying tears of pain and sorrow. I wasn't though. Not because I wasn't sad, but because I hate to seem weak, even though I real like it.

After the funeral we went back home. My dad again, didn't say a word. All he did was pat me on the back and went to his bedroom. I do the same. I go to my bathroom and pull out of the drawers. Underneath a whole bunch of things was a pocket knife. I held it unsteadily in my hands. I sallow hard as I bring the knife to my wrist. I shut my eyes tightly, ready to do it. When all of the sudden, my phone dings.

I crawl out of the bathroom, shaking. I open up my phone and its a text from Sunoo.

"Hey, Jungwon. I'm so so sorry about your mom. I know this is hard. The same thing happened to my grandmother a few years back, so I know how you feel. If there's anything you need, just know I'm always here for you, no matter what. Always ♥️." I broke down in tears after reading that. Not because I'm sad but because I was happy. Happy that I had someone who had the same experience as me. Someone who knows how I feel. Someone I can count on. 

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A true friend...

Okay people.

Shout Out....

I

Can

Not

Like

I'm so glad Sunoo got more lines in this song

And the way he ended the song-

Plus Sunghoon and Heeseung's high notes 😭😭😭😭😭

Omg I have been listening to it nonstop

It'll never get old

I'll probably talk about it in every chapter going forward so...

Shout out to the world together, we shout out louder~💀