Trials and error.

two.

Chicago, Lower west side.

• Clover •

One year ago I was a completely different person, I was definitely a lot angrier. I wouldn't say I'm at peace with how things are now but I'm definitely more calmer. It's probably the drugs, or the alcohol. I think I'm a lot more upset when I'm sober and a bit sadder but I cover it up terribly with being rude especially towards Shaniyah.

I don't know what happened to our relationship but one day I woke up and realised that I was better off without her. I'd rather live with my dad and his wife or by myself.

I don't have a reason for why I'm so angry towards her it's just emotions. I just get so upset whenever she's near me and I can't control it. It all bubbles up and I just lash out before I can actually think and I'd rather die than admit that I might've been wrong.

I try to live with as little as regrets as I can but I guess if I could change our relationship I would, I'd be a lot nicer to my siblings but this isn't a movie so for now I'll just do what I want and deal with the consequences later.

"That shit is strong." Shamika said as lifted her nose up from the table, "that's the point."

I said in a duh tone and she rolled her eyes before flipping me a bird. I laughed before standing up from the floor and joining her on the couch.

"What's the plan for today?"

"I'm not sure but Blake said that he was having a kickback later. It starts at six and it's end around midnight."

"Who's going to be there?"
"People. I think you're besties gonna be there."

Bestie? I don't have a- oh her..

"Yeah I might just stay home."

"You never told me why you stopped talking to her randomly."

I love her but she's messy so I'm not telling her what went on between me and Nova.

How would I even explain that I slept with my moms baby daddy's daughter and then I dipped, accused my step brother of rape and then skipped town for a month.

"We just fell off."
"One day you'll tell me."

"Yeah, yeah."
"Mmh."

I loved nova. I honestly did but I think back then I was just so angry and confused that I didn't want to actually believe that I was bisexual. That I was in love with her. We grew up so close, we claimed to be sisters for half our lives.

I haven't seen her in nine months.  I disappeared for a month and when I was finally found, my mum had just woken up from a drug overdose coma and Nova hated me. I've tried calling, texting, I even showed up unannounced but her parents sent me home. They didn't say it but I knew they just wanted me out of her life for good.