Chaos and torment.
The two things Delle endured the most in her life. As she tried to get out of the mess, she got entangled with different kinds of people. Delle came to love being with them, and finally found someone who let her experience peace...
According to K. Tolnoe, healing is about accepting, not forgetting. Thinking about it, I also remembered one of the greatest questions we ask ourselves. Why is it so easy to kill our happiness, but so hard to kill our sadness?
Maybe because we choose to suffer. Or maybe because it's just how painful the world is. I don't know. I can't really answer it. Maybe because things take time to heal and to change for the better, and so far, I'm still at the beginning of the timeline.
As my eyes set on the shimmering city lights under the bright moon where I leaned my elbows on the railings, letting the music flow from my phone to my earphones, I recalled how I acted earlier and instantly regretted it.
At least, the pain in my chest already vanished... for a while.
I covered my face with my hands. "Ugh. Why did I say that to him? Ugh, cringe."
My sight shifted on the calm river reflecting the stars, the moon of the sky and city, and saw my tiny reflection in it. I playfully waved a hand and tried to make myself smile which I didn't see in the water.
I'm a complicated case—just like that blurred reflection, which got more blurry when a single drop of tear ruined it.
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Ah. I'm crying again...
"This is so... tiring."
I bit my lower lip, watching as my unending, flowing tears fall on the river like rain, smudging the view of my face. It's always like this. I cry a lot. I just don't let other people see it.
I laughed sarcastically, thinking to myself if it's in our blood—being a crybaby. Since me and my cousins are crybabies, even Masaru. That guy just kept pretending to be bold up front but tends to cry a lot as well.
My fingers unconsciously rubbed my eyes, causing them to redden. My nose's now stuffy and my sobs unceasing. Even with the noise of the background, I can still hear the loudness of my cries.
I wished it would rain.
Stop crying, self. We've talked about this. So why do you keep crying again?
You're being pathetic.
No. I'm... I'm not gonna be hard on myself anymore... right?
I don't know.
I don't know.
I—
I gasped and almost jolted when I heard that particular sound of the engine coming towards my direction.
Oh, no. It's Mikey.
In a quick and short movement, I wiped the tears off my cheek and only thought of one thing before I could even see his face...
Run.
So I rushed out away from him, without thinking anything and without knowing why I did. I just couldn't face Mikey right now. I just don't want to let him see me cry like this, to find me so vulnerable.
