wonderwall || punznap

look what u did

Look what you did, did to me

I can't walk, I'm paralyzed

And I know that you are full of jealousy

Why would you wanna be friends with me?

aldn - look what u did

It was his first official shift, if you could call it that, at a grocery store a couple of blocks from the trailer park. It's hard to say how many times Nick cursed himself for foolishly managing to get into a fight with the manager at his last job, because pedaling and delivering pizzas, even in such frankly shitty weather, he definitely liked it more than standing behind the counter and trying to be friendly with all the rabble, who came to the store for cheap cigarettes and shitty beer. Even more he did not like to realize that he, standing in front of them and smiling, was in fact the exact same rabble.

The shift was drawing to a close, and all he had to do was clean up the trading floor and close the shop. Nick didn't like cleaning, but he liked the cleanliness and the daily payments the store owner left him. Having already locked the glass doors behind the last visitor, a girl in her twenties who looked like she was the main love interest of the protagonist from an early 2000s rom-com, the brunette breathed a sigh of relief, literally pulling the exhausted smile from his lips, his cheeks ached from tension and there was not a single coherent thought left in the guy's head, only some fragments that tortured and tormented him, forcing him to doubt himself forever, they tasted of the bitterness of regret.

Collecting ice-cold water in a bucket in the back room, Nick tried to distract himself, get out of his head, singing some stupid melody stuck somewhere on the surface of his cerebral cortex. And his thoughts returned by themselves to the conversation at the parking lot and one by one he reluctantly came up with an impossible scenario after scenario. In one such scenario, he punched an unsuspecting Luke in the face and watched as his already perfectly bright lips, as if he smeared them with fucking red lipstick, became insanely bright and shiny with blood, a thick stream flowing from his nose. For some reason, Nick liked the way the scarlet looked in contrast to his fair skin. He liked to imagine how this scarlet thick substance erased the blonde's eternal smile, but the lack of a smile on Luke's face in the guy's head made him a little sick. The brunet diligently expelled these annoying thoughts with a melody that he hummed in an undertone. But the thoughts didn't go away.

Already smearing dirt from his shoes on the tiled floor with a mop, Nick imagined what would happen if he agreed to recklessly go with the blond to this fucking party. He imagined how Luke would begin to smile widely, his lips would stretch into his trademark smile, through which perfect teeth are visible, he even imagined how Luke would have these tiny wrinkles around the eyes from the sincerity of the smile. From such a prospect, Nick felt somehow warm and at the same time sick. He unsuccessfully tried to drive away this picture, which in a strange way reminded him of vomit - sweetish and vile. Nick winced and he continued to wash the floors in the trading floor. He stopped humming, the silence pressed on the guy's ears, it was heavy, and if Nick could characterize the types of silence, he would say that she was unkind, even sinister.

Why, in retrospect, was Nick so madly eager to agree? Maybe it was because the brunette was haunted all day by the disappointed look of instantly dimmed blue eyes, he was persecuted by these lowered corners of his lips, as if offended, his shoulders trembled and dropped for a second, as if Nick, with his rude refusal, suddenly knocked all the air out of his lungs or unexpectedly hit him in the gut. Already wringing the rag into the bucket of water, Nick did not know and did not understand the reason why he felt so guilty. He did not need this uninvited feeling, he wanted to tear out of his chest all his invisible roots that poisoned his heart and soul. Well, he knew it would hurt, but this dreary feeling that had settled somewhere in the region of the heart, because of which all the insides seemed to tighten, rotate inside his body, will disappear once and for all.