Allegro con fuoco

XXIII

"Hi mum." he said as he closed the familiar door behind him and kicked off his sneakers. He felt... weird. So weird. And why? Was it because of what happened earlier, with Lily and Matt at the restaurant? This was shaping up to be quite the day, really. Or was it because of Taipei? But nothing had really changed though, had it? He was just the same guy as when he last walked in here to have kung pao chicken with his mum, wasn't he? 
Yet nothing felt the same as he walked into the kitchen and hugged his mum from behind. 
Had she always been this small? He felt like he towered over her as she shook the wok and smiled back at him. 
"Hello Eddy." she said in Mandarin. "How was your trip?"
"It was so good, mum." he enthused, and before he knew it he was launching into a whole monologue about concerts, hills where they sold tea, gondola rides and rehearsals. 
Well. He told her the PG version of events, anyway. 
He was still talking about the final concerts when she handed him the plates. He carried them to the table and sat down on the chair that always used to be his. For a moment he looked out at the garden, where he had sat so many times. He had even had a surprise birthday party there once. That had been an awesome night, and yet what he had now was so much better. 
He was free, now. 
Well, almost free. 
"And how was it for Todd and Ian?" his mum asked him suddenly. Eddy's chopsticks froze in midair and the rice he had on there toppled off. 
Oh God. Did she know something? Had she heard about them already? And what the fuck would he say now? Would he talk over it, smoothly hide it? Something stung in him at the thought. It was not enough that Brett and he were still in the closet after years of being together, now he was going to put Todd and Ian there too? His mum must have known by now that Todd was gay. even though no one had ever said it to her. And he had seen her sideways looks, but she had never said a word. 
"Um." he said as he laded his chopsticks with rice again and managed to take them to his mouth this time. He pretended to chew slowly, but really he was desperately trying to get his racing heart under control. As he closed his eyes for a second he could see the images of Todd and Ian in the lift, embracing. Kissing on Todd's bed. He remembered how he and Brett fled their room, just before things were about to go further than kissing. He glanced across the table at his mum who was there, waiting for his answer, a question mark now appearing in her furrowing brows. His time to decide was running out fast and he was still flailing around, desperate for someone to tell him what to do. And then he remembered John's soft words, spoken in a beautiful garden, years ago. 
Walk her to it. 
Could this be a step in that direction? All these secrets, surely they were too much for just one guy to carry? He swallowed his rice and fixed his eyes down at the table he knew so well. 
"Well, actually, something unexpected happened with them." he said then,  with a voice that was suddenly thick with something. "I mean, they played well and stuff. It all went pretty well, really."
But he could have known she would pick up on the first thing first, right? 
"What unexpected thing?" she said, almost sternly. 
"Um, well." he said softly. "It er... it turned out they... they... um, liked each other."