Allegro con fuoco

XXXVI

Fatigue was seeping into Eddy's bones by the time lunch was finished, and he was glad to sit down in the back of the bus and watch out of the window. 
"You good?" Brett asked him as he took his hand. Why did it feel different? Brett had taken his hand a million times in the bus, but Eddy stopped breathing when he realised that today was the day when it didn't matter anymore who would see. And for a short second he contemplated leaning over and kissing him, just to celebrate that fact. 
He didn't, though. He was too chicken. Of course. 
He shrugged and squeezed Brett's hand instead. 
"Yeah. Just... exhausted."
"You need a nap when we get in?"
Eddy shook his head. 
"'s Not that kind of exhausted. I think I'll just practise. How about you?"
Brett gave him one of his very soft, gentle smiles. 
"Um. Relieved. Sorry."
"What? Don't be sorry. I'm relieved too, for this bit at least."
He could see it clearly now, what it meant to Brett, being out, being accepted, finally being able to be who he was. They would have parties there, now, and he would come there as his partner, not as his weird-taggy-along best friend. 
Everything would be different. 
Well. At least at Brett's house everything would be different. He swallowed, squeezed the hand and looked out of the window again before he could spiral down. 
"It'll happen for you soon, Eddy." Brett said hoarsely. "Now that my mum did what she did and said what she said..."
Eddy shrugged again. 
"Can we talk about something else?"
"O... of course. So. New orchestra period starts tomorrow, I think we're doing Shostakovich. Cool, no?"
Eddy smiled at his love. 
"Yeah. I love Shos."

Thank God Todd and Ian were out, because Eddy didn't think he could have faced talking to anyone else right now. He opened the fridge, dragged out some cola and padded to their room as Brett went to the toilet. He walked past the bed, still without sheets because they were in the dryer, and opened the french doors so he could step out on the balcony. 

It was hot outside, but he didn't care. He leaned his hands on the railing and took a breath that seemed to come from his toes, then another. Underneath him there was the park, so similar to the one they were in yesterday, and yet so different at the same time. He traced the outlines of the trees with his eyes as he leaned, and breathed. Even his head, which had been so frantic for ages now, seemed to have stilled with the moment. There were no thoughts, now, not even really feelings. There was just him, the sun, the railing, the park. 

And to be honest, he could have stayed there for all eternity, suspended in the eye of some shit storm, not thinking or feeling, just breathing and existing, but there was a creak behind him and he smiled, because Brett would be joining him soon. He waited for his arms around him, his nose in his neck. But...
He turned around with a shock and his heart stopped. 
"Mum!"
She was looking pale, so pale, and almost gaunt. He could tell instantly that she hadn't slept at all. She looked him up and down, her eyes hooded, far away. 
"Mum, you're here!" he said as he flew back into their bedroom, all but skidding to a stop in front of her. 
She nodded as she looked around her subtly.
"Yes." she said then, her voice harsh but not unkind. She was looking at the bed without its sheets.
"Has Brett ever slept in his own room?"