Allegro con fuoco

XXII

Fuck it, why was he shivering? It wasn't t even about him, this, there was no logical reason why he should be this nervous. Yet he felt faintly sick as they walked into the familiar restaurant. He saw Matt from a ways off. He was at a table in the corner, checking his phone, putting it away, then checking it again. 
Was he nervous too? 
God, what Eddy wouldn't have given to have Brett here. And of course, Brett would have come, but it had seemed a bit much to turn up with three people, against one cheating arsehole of a guy. Eddy took Lily's hand and gave it a squeeze. It was a little clammy, but she turned and smiled at him. 
"I'm okay." she whispered, and he nodded. 
He just hoped it was true. 

"Hello Matt." she said in a tone that took him aback. Oh shit. This was cold Lily, aloof Lily. It was a tone she had never, ever taken with him, one that, to be honest, he hadn't even known she had. And it had the desired effect; Matt seemed to shrink into his chair and he nervously cleared his throat. His eyes went down her body and stopped when they saw the volleyball. 
"Hi." he said softly. 
Lily sat down and Eddy took the seat next to her. 
"So." she started. "I have asked you here today because we need to decide how we're going to handle things."
Matt nodded. 
"Lily." he said quietly, and when Eddy looked at him he saw that his eyes were moist. Oh shit. Was he going to cry? "I... can I just say how sorry I am."
He could feel Lily tense up beside him, but her face didn't react at all.
"It's a little late for that, don't you think?" she said in that same cold tone. "I think it's best if we stick to the facts. I think my biggest question is how involved you'd like to be in my baby's life."
Matt swallowed visibly. 
"Um. I... I'd like to be involved. Um. Lily, are you... are you making it? Where are you staying?"
Lily shrugged. 
"Yes. I'm with my parents. They are going to help out with babysitting so I can go back to college if I want. I'm not sure yet what I'm going to do with that."
"I... I can help out too. Whatever you need. I can pay, too. Of course."
"I don't need your money, Matt." Lily said slightly harshly, but Eddy could feel that she was taken aback. She clearly hadn't expected him to be so... repentant? And to be honest, neither had he. He had made Matt some sort of demon in his head by now. 
"I'd like to help." Matt said softly. 
Lily shrugged again. 
"Then about the birth. I don't want you to be present, but I will allow you to come see the baby when it's been born, in the hospital."
"Thank you." Matt told her quietly. 
Eddy felt so awkward, and so surplus to requirements here. Obviously Lily knew exactly what she wanted and knew how to say it, too. But before he could finish that thought Lily got up very suddenly.
"Okay. I need to get going. Sorry I can't stay for lunch."
"Lily." Matt said, pleadingly.
"Don't."
"No, Lily, please. I need to say this." Matt said with desperation in his voice. "I need to tell you... I had it all, and I threw it away. I need you to know I'll do whatever I can to make it up to you, and to that little baby. You... you look so beautiful, pregnant. I'm so sorry."
Lily paled, and stared at him for a second. Then, without saying another word, she rushed out of the restaurant. 

He caught up to her after about twenty metres. When she turned around to him her eyes were full of tears. 
"Oh, Lily." he said as he wrapped her in his arms. Her swollen belly was hard against his own. 
"I thought I was over him." she sniffed into his t shirt. 
He held her tight and rubbed her back. 
"That would be superhuman, Lils. You're carrying his baby. Of course it means something."
"It shouldn't."
He kissed her hair and let her go. She eyed him, her large, beautiful eyes still moist. 
"It'll be fine." she said, as if she were conjuring it with her words. "It will."