The moment with Mike replays a million times in my head and keeps me up until almost one in the morning when I decide to write down how I'm feeling in a journal I started keeping last summer.
Dear diary,
Mike and I hung out after school today and talked like we used to in middle and elementary school. It was great. I told him how I have been feeling lately and he put his hand on mine like he did a few years ago when we had the same talk. It felt like I couldn't breathe or think and I don't really know why. Mike and I have hugged before but this just felt different. It doesn't really make sense. Hopefully I can make it make sense soon because it has been driving me insane all night.
-Will
I scribble quickly into the notebook before placing it at the bottom of my pajama drawer so nobody finds it.
Mike POV
I don't know what is happening with Will lately. I have been such a dick to him but he still always wants to hang out with me. I worry about him a lot. More than I should. He has been through so much and once I got with El, I feel like I lost him. I ignored him and was focused only on my girlfriend that I had known for two years rather than my best friend in the world that I have known for practically my entire life.
When I put my hand on his, it felt - weird. I liked it. I liked the feeling of our hands touching.
The next day I grab a pair of jeans and a flannel, my usual school outfit and grab my stuff before heading out and getting my bike from the garage. I could get my learners permit and drive myself to school, but I don't mind riding my bike. I ride down the street where I see Will and Dustin biking towards me.
"Hey, do you guys wanna go to hellfire today after school?" Dustin asks, slightly out of breath as we begin to bike towards school.
"For sure." I say, pedaling next to Will.
"Yeah, definitely." Will says, glancing quickly at me.
"Nice." Dustin says.
When I get to school, I see the basketball team leaning against the lockers and pushing some scrawny kid around and I walk past them without bothering to wave to Lucas. We used to be best friends, but I guess things change.
I'm about to go into history class when I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around to see Lucas standing in front of me.
"Hey?" I say.
"Hi. How have you been? I feel like we haven't hung out in a while." Lucas says, causing my blood to boil.
"That's because we haven't hung out in a while. You've been totally MIA." I tell him.
"You haven't asked to hang out!" he says defensively.
"Neither have you! You're too busy with your new basketball buddies to hang out with your real friends." I say, raising my voice.
"They are my real friends. You both are." Lucas says, glancing over my shoulder to the other guys.
"That's total bullshit. I gotta go to class. See ya." I say, walking into the classroom and sitting down next to Will. I slam my books down on the desk which causes Will's eyes to shoot my direction.
"Hey, is everything okay?" Will asks.
"No. Lucas tried to talk to me and blame me for the fact that we haven't been hanging out." I tell him.
"That's such bull!" Will says, leaning a little closer to me.
"That's what I told him. I just miss the old party." I say. Will is about to say something, but our teacher starts to talk about the causes of the Civil War as we all rapidly take down notes so we can pass his next exam.
After I get home from Hellfire, El calls and asks if she can come over and watch a movie, and of course I say yes. When I hear her knock on the door, I immediately jump up and open it, and she presses her lips firmly on mine.
"I - I've missed you." she says, sitting down on the couch in the basement where we put a new TV.
"I've missed you too. You've been hanging out a lot with Max, haven't you?" I say.
"I guess. We have been going to the mall a lot and shopping. I stole money from Hopper's wallet." El says.
"You really shouldn't be going to the mall. That isn't safe for you." I say defensively.
"I haven't gotten found yet. It's fine. Maybe you and me can go to the mall soon." El says, snuggling into my side.
"Yeah, maybe." I say, pushing play on the remote. It only takes a few minutes for us to pause the movie again and start to kiss like we always do. Our lips move in sync as I place my hand on her chin and the other by my side.
It's nice and all being with El, but sometimes it feels like all we do is make out and watch movies, which I guess is what you do in a relationship, but sometimes I wish we could just sit down and have a conversation, but that's pretty hard for her. She doesn't quite speak normally or know how to treat her feelings yet, which I can't blame her for. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if we had just stayed friends and never gotten together.
YOU ARE READING
confused - byler
Fanfiction"It's just, sometimes I feel like I'm still going a little crazy." "Well, how about we keep going crazy together." *takes place in the fall of their freshman year - will and el did not move away and this does not follow any of the events of season f...
