One month writing challenge!

Smooth (but unnessasary) criminal (Day 16)

Breaking News: Another note from the anonymous criminal(s) has been found in a local Walmart. It fell in a fish tank and as a result is unreadable but investigators and local law enforcement are using it as a lead to find the perpetrator. Others, including the employees working at the Walmart, are currently looking for what the criminal and or criminals did.

    If you haven't heard already, this villainous delinquent or gang of them, go to stores, movie theaters, and restaurants doing mildly inconvenient crimes. This lawbreaker's first appearance, or as the crook said their debut, was at a Sam's club where they somehow moved every movable item, three inches and one point four centimeters to the right. Somehow this person or people were able to do this all before opening without being seen entering or exiting. The wrongdoer seems to not do these vile acts to small family owned businesses and seems to believe they are modern day robin hood, yet doesn't seem to realize none of what they do affect the company, just the poor underpaid workers that have to deal with it.

    Some other things this person or multiple people have done is take a single sock from every pair of socks in a Target. Changed the background of every tablet and phone in a Best Buy to various movie spoilers like, "Morbius never said it's morbing time in the critically acclaimed movie Morbius." Went to various warehouse clubs and has taken every free sample available on multiple occasions. Finally the person went to multiple Olive gardens and when asked to tell the waiter to stop when they were satisfied while grating cheese on their pasta, they never told them to stop. This caused a shortage of cheese for a whole month in restaurants everywhere.

    Many questioned how the person wasn't discovered when they sat in an Olive garden during opening hours and ordered there. In response, apparently the person was dressed in all black, with a mask, gloves and sunglasses on their face. When they ordered their food, they had some sort of voice changer that made the person sound robotic and they ended up putting all their food in takeout boxes anyways. According to the waiters they tipped very well, and quote on quote, "I don't really care about the cheese thing, That was the biggest tip I've seen working here. Criminal or not, more people should be like them."

Never once did they take off their mask to eat and not a single time was any skin exposed enough to narrow down the culprit down at all. Not even the criminal's age, height or gender was found. After comparing evidence each one of the cheese fanatics varied in height and body type. None of the incidents were at the same time. While this could point to the crimes being committed by a group of people, according to detectives, private investigators, police officers, and even prop makers and movie directors, with the right equipment or enough money all of those changes could be made with silicone molds, wigs, clothes and even toilet paper.

In addition to that all the notes left at the time seemed to be written just a few minutes before the culprit left. Each note had the exact same handwriting, teach and every signature matching perfectly down to the stroke. According to a local third grade English language arts teacher, "It's the most beautiful cursive I've ever seen. When this person is found, instead of giving them jail time you should give them community service. I'd love if he could teach my students cursive, and I would say it's a punishment matching the crime,"

Due to this, no one still knows if it is one person or a very organized group of criminals with beautiful handwriting. Law enforcement and local judges are also debating if community service of teaching third graders is a valid punishment. At the moment it is not known, though one person suggested that the criminal(s) should just partake in both. The reason being,"I was right behind them in Olive Gardens. Because they never stopped the waiter from grating cheese, I had none for my chicken tenders! It was my birthday and thet vile sinner ruined it!" This caused a supreme court level case debating if cheese belonged on chicken tenders. Surprisingly many sided with the birthday boy.

Wait– It seems new evidence has come to light. Some random person who wanted to reach for the fish food behind the fish tank, for no spoken reason found a note. The police confiscated it and read the note, which goes as follows

Ha, scrubs! Bet you've been trying to find out what I did at your favorite Walmart. Well guess what? I did absolutely nothing! You can choose if you wanna believe me or not but either way you've wasted your entire day. GG my boys. Cya next time.
-Robin Hood

P.S. Thanks for the compliment, teach. I wouldn't've been able to write so well without you, you're still my favorite teacher.

P.P.S. Hey birthday boy, I'm thankful I took all the cheese, not only was it delicious but anyone who puts cheese on chicken tenders is the scum of the earth.
(875 words)