I'm a mess (on hold) :: kian a.u

chapter 5

kian

when I kissed krista, I wasn't thinking. she seemed really shocked when I did it. I'm so stupid. I'm still in love with andrea. I have a tendency to do things on an impulse. my heart reacts before my brain can process it. 

what have i done? krista has jack...and I have andrea. I love andrea, right? it doesn't matter, anyways. andrea and I aren't together anymore.

 I drink only when things are bothering me. but trust me. that night, I drank, and drank, and drank. I probably went to four different clubs, and met dozens of girls. i'm not loyal to andrea, not to anyone. I don't deserve all of my friends. jc and connor barely talk to me anyone, probably because of all of the problems i've caused.

I've always thought krista was beautiful, ever since we were five. she was the prettiest girl I knew.her eyes are so captivating that you get twisted and lost in them. when we were younger, it was always me and her, kian and krista. but things change. people grow apart, new relationships are formed. that's one thing in my life that i've always been certain about: she's the one. she is the one person in my life i've loved forever. man, I really screwed everything up.

krista's been texting and calling me nonstop since I kissed her, and andrea has come by my house every few hours to check on me. I haven't told her why i'm acting like this because I know she will be heartbroken, again. first, the whole thing with the club happened. now, I kissed krista.

i'm a mess.

-

krista

the last few days have been insane.  I had to cancel my date with jack to deal with kian, since he's been in such bad shape. we are going to six flags on tuesday instead. let me give you a recap of what happened.

after kian left my house, I had to process what just happened. my heart was racing. 

kian just kissed me. kian just kissed me. my mind could not get off of that thought. the kid i've been madly obsessed with my whole life just kissed me. then I thought about andrea. what is he gonna tell her? why did he kiss me if he 'loves' her? this will screw up everything. boy, we're both huge messes. maybe its a sign. maybe i'm not supposed to be with jack. no. kian was just being kian. 

in the past, he's always screwed around with me. he would send me mixed signals of whether he liked me or not. after a few years passed of me romanticizing every little thing, I gave up hope. this is all new to me.

I've decided to go visit kian. he probably has only seen his mom and andrea, so it would be nice for me to visit. I've been ignoring all of his calls and texts. I just can't handle much more right now. 

I was standing at his door for half an hour before he opened the door. he looked like he had been hit by a train. the dark circles under his eyes were horrible. his hair was messy but I liked it that way. he was only in his boxers and a torn t-shirt. I tried to not let my eyes make their way down his body. 

"kian...oh my god. when's the last time you've showered?" I asked.

"I don't know, when did I kiss you?" he replied.

"friday."

"okay. well friday. sorry. didn't really expect you to be here." he sighed.

he's acting so shady.

"did anything happen with andrea? did you tell her?" I asked.

"hell no! i'm stupid but not that stupid." I laughed a little.

"oh okay. do you plan on telling her?" I asked.

"krista. I don't mean to be rude but I really don't feel like talking about this. I just want to sleep. all i've been doing is drinking and sleeping. sorry. see you later." he said.

then he shut the door in my face. this is not the kian that i'm used to. this is the hungover-doesn't-know-what-to-do-with-his-life kian that i've always disliked.

tuesday cannot come soon enough. I need to see jack, to get my mind off of things. my mind is clouded with too many thoughts. 

I texted jc and connor to see if they wanted to go to starbucks.

to: cloud boy, c-dizzle

meet me @ starbucks? we need to talk.

they replied back almost immediately.

from: c-dizzle

of course! kian again?

they know me so well.

-

hope you liked this chapter!

-amanda