The Loft

Part 28

PART 28

"You're pregnant," the doctor said to me with an indefinable expression on his face.

I feel my heart drop to my stomach and turn to look at the boys sitting in the chairs, side by side, against the wall.

The doctor begins telling me some information I'm sure is extremely important as I stare into the blank space of the wall that has broachers and handouts coming out of the cubbies. I feel the boys staring at me and my mind is going completely blank; it does this when I'm on the verge of having a panic attack or something, it avoids the pain and fear and blocks out all feelings.

The doctor taps my knee and says, "Hey, pay attention."

The boys look like they want to kill the doctor for talking to me like that.

I take a deep breath in, trying to contain the anxious fear inside of me wanting to burst.

I'm pregnant. And I don't even know who made me pregnant.

I breathe as deep as I can before I weep and my vocal cords begin to shake.

The boys automatically stand up from their chairs and move the doctor aside to comfort me.

They're both siting by me, one on each side of me on the basic white covered bed you find in doctor's offices.

Gilinsky looks at the doctor while grabbing my hand and says, "Can you give us a minute?" in a half-rude/half-polite tone.

Matt puts on arm around my shoulder and says to me, "It's going to be okay, we're here."

I feel Jack pull my shirt up and begin to rub my lower back as I try to catch my breath and tell me, "When we said we're always going to support you, we meant it. We aren't leaving, breathe babygirl."

For once, it isn't a competition between Matt and Jack, they're just.. being there for me, together.

I weep twice more and try to do the breathing exercises my best friend taught me a long time ago. After catching my breath completely and calming down, my breath still being a little shaky if I breathe in too deep, I say to them in the silent room that smells of hand sanitizer, "I don't think this is good timing."

They both nod at me and Jack speaks up for them both, they probably spoke between silent looks behind my back to agree on something, "Look, there's a lot of ways we can approach this. I don't want to push anything on you, especially not right now, but we can tell you some options? It's completely up to you."

"Yes, my mind is completely blank, please do."

Matt starts with saying, "Alright, we can end this. Right now, babe. I know you've always wanted kids, but if you don't think this is the right time, it doesn't have to be."

Jack inputs, "We don't even have to know who's it is, and I know that's what you're worried about, having to chose between us, or the baby making the decision for you, and you don't need this kind of stress in your life right now."

I nod waiting for the second option, considering the first.

Matt then says, "Or, we could get a test done, go through with the pregnancy and have this child. We will support you either way. But if you don't want to have it, just know that you will have children in the future, maybe not even too far down the road."

This is too much and I just don't want this decision on my mind anymore.

I look at the boys back and fourth twice.

They have sympathy in their eyes, and I can tell they both just want to hug me or touch me in a more comforting way but don't want to push the limits.