Burrying the Past

Chapter 9

Peeta's POV.

I walk through the empty streets. It is still raining heavily but I don't care. I just wanted some space.
The truth is that I haven't had sometime with myself in ages. True, I felt lonely when I arrived here, but doesn't mean I'm alone.

I keep walking, letting my feet take me wherever because, right now, I don't have a destiny. I actually think I never had one. I just go around walking, letting the winds take me, the people push me around to where they want me to be, even if most of the times, they don't care enough to about where I go. Unless I'm on their path.

I sight, running my hands together, trying to keep them warm, since the chilling wind hitting my face is taking all the warmth away from my body. Thi makes me feel motionless, numb. But what can I do?
I could've brought gloves, Maybe a warmer jacket. But how could've I knows it would be this cold. How could've I knows life could be this messy? I couldn't. I could've never been prepared for this, any of this.

I look up from my feet to see I am in the town's Park. I don't know what is it called, I've never been here before. Last week Katniss suggested for us to come here but it was raining so we couldn't. Yet again, the rain ruins my plans.

There is nobody out here right now, it's too cold. No soul to be seen. Only my own, that feels lost. Unlike usual, I don't feel me out of place, Maybe because there is no person around.
I catch a glimpse of a small lake in the corner of my eye so I go there. A lake, there is no other place that could be more peaceful than a lake. A lake is always a lake.

When I arrived there, indeed, I feel more peacefull, I feel calmer. I sit in a rock by the lake and stay there, looking at the raindrops falling on the lake and the fishes swimming around, unaware of how the earth keeps spinning. I wish I were like that to. But then again, maybe not. I'm sure I wouldn't want to live between the boundries of this lake. I like it better having the freedom to choose my own boundries, eventhough I don't have it.

Why do I even feel so alone? I've got everything I could even think of. Good friends, Haymitch, Katniss. They all care about me. But the again, they don't understand. Nobody has the idea of how hard it was, and still is. I know they try to understand me, to figure me out. But I really don't know if I want to be figured out. Maybe it's better this way. Unless I'll always know where I belong, which is nowhere.

Soon it starts raining even harder. I sight, I guess it's time to go. There's no reason to be out here getting wet when I could be indoors, warm, and not alone.

I stand up and run back home. I hate the fact we always have to run from the rain so that we don't get wet. Why does that have to happen? Why do we need to get wet? Who decided it should be like that? But I still run, by now Haymitch is probably worried about me, since I left the house without warning and I was pretty upset. I gues he probably still doesn't think I'm stable enough, which is probably true. But I still wanted for people to think that I'm fine, that I'm okay. The fact that people I care about know that I'm a wreck makes me feel like I'm not trying harder, which is also probably too.

Not long after I reach the house. O forgot the keys at home so I have knock. I was expecting a worried Haymitch to open the door, but instead a worried Katniss does.

"You're back, finally!" she breaths out, hugging me.

"Yeah, I just went on a walk, to get my mind off things." I say. It is true, I just wanted to think a little, to be by myself for a while, although I hate being alone.

"Good." She says boduns nervously, while hitting her lip. I already know something is bothering her, and it is not the fact that I went on a walk with all this rain. "Come in, you're all wet." she adds.

I do as she told me and come in. I immediatly feel warmer and at home. Because home is the place where the ones I love are.
I take off my jacket and my shoes and leave then by the entrance.

I go to the living room, where Haymitch is sat, nervously holding a stack of letters. Something happened, or is going to happen. Both him and Katniss look extremily worried.

I'm almos scared to ask them what is going on, but I manage.
"What's up?"

Katniss comes behind me and holds my hand.

"We got mail." Haymitch simply says.

"And?" I ask almost abruptedly, because he still hasn't told me what's going on.

Haymitch stays silent for a few seconds, as of trying to figure out what to say. "It's for you." he mumbles giving me a white enveloppe.

I take it with shaky hands already worried about what might it be to make Katniss and Haymitch so upset.

I read who it is from and immediatly feel the while hear in my body leaving me: Teodor Mellark.
"It's from my brother."