To Hell and Back Again

Chapter Nineteen

(TW: mention of SH and suicide)

Steve nuzzled his face against Eddie's shoulder. He couldn't sleep. The only thing he could do was think about everything going on. Eddie was passed out with one arm under Steve and one arm resting on his chest. Steve stared at Eddie while he slept. He couldn't help but think about what would happen if Eddie was gone. He'd be alone. He would have Robin and Dustin but he would be waking up and going to sleep every night alone. Steve smiled at the small drip of drool on the corner of Eddie's mouth. He looked over at the clock. 3am. Steve groaned and rolled away from Eddie, trying not to wake him up. He went into the bathroom and used his hands to splash water onto his face. He looked into the mirror and felt his heart rate quicken. What was wrong with him? Why can't he sleep? Why can't he just fall asleep? He opened the cabinet above the sink to get melatonin. Maybe it would help. He grabbed the bottle of melatonin pills which uncovered a small orange bottle behind everything else. He pulled out the bottle and looked at the label. He leaned back and looked to see if Eddie was still asleep. He opened up the bottle and looked at the pills. It was prescribed to his mom. He flipped the bottle to look at the label. Drowsiness, lightheadedness, fatigue, nausea, blurry vision... he held the small pills in his hand and turned to look at Eddie who was still asleep. He put the pills in his mouth and swallowed. It was only three of them, it couldn't hurt. He put the bottle back into the cabinet and covered it back up. It couldn't hurt. It was only three pills. Right? It couldn't hurt? Steve crawled back into bed with Eddie. Eddie turned over and looked at Steve. He smiled and put his arm around Steve and dozed off. Steve's eyes got heavy. Not to long after he felt a sensation. His problems seemed to melt away as he dozed off. It couldn't hurt.

"Steve. Steve, wake up." Eddie put his hand on the side of Steve's face and held his chin up. Steve opened his eyes and smiled at Eddie.
"Hey, Ed." Steve squinted and looked around.
"Do you have to go to work? It's almost ten." Eddie brushed Steve's hair out of his face.
"No..." Steve smiled and closed his eyes again. He opened his eyes almost immediately and looked at Eddie. "I don't think I have to work." He shrugged and kissed Eddie.
"Well, should I call Robin and ask? She probably knows the schedule?"
"No, it's fine." Steve stood up and walked into the bathroom. He closed the door behind him and opened the cabinet. He grabbed his tooth brush then looked at the bottle of pills behind the melatonin. It's not a problem if they make you feel better. It's not a problem if they make your feel better. He stared at the bottle of pills as he brushed his teeth. The bottle was almost taunting him. He spit the tooth paste into the sink and washed off his toothbrush. He felt like he was on autopilot. His hand reached towards the bottle but he didn't even realize what he was doing. He stared down into the bottle and poured them into his hand. They won't hurt if they make you feel better than you have in a long time. Steve cleared his throat and put them back in the bottle then shoved it into the cabinet. Steve caved and pulled the bottle back out. He emptied three pills into his hand and stuck them into his mouth. His heart was racing. What did I do that for? Steve thought to himself as he left the bathroom. Eddie was by the closet putting on a shirt.
"Hey, pretty boy. You look a little mixed up. You okay?" Steve's eyes gravitated towards his bare chest and the black veins running down his body. Steve gulped.
"Y-yeah I'm fine." He said as Eddie walked towards him. His hand embraced the side of Steve's face and he placed a small warm kiss on Steve's lips. Since Eddie 'died', Steve hadn't felt a warm touch from Eddie. His skin was usually pale and clammy. "Ed..." Steve pushed his forehead against Eddie's.
"Yeah?" Eddie's hand explored Steve's chest and hips. His touch was light but slightly rough as his fingertips grazed Steve's hips.
"I...I don't know." Steve let Eddie place another kiss on his lips, then on his jaw, then on his neck. He felt like he had missed this Eddie. The gentile, but demanding, version of Eddie who was passionate but considerate at the same time. Steve's body pushed against Eddie's as his neck was kissed. Steve put his hands on the sides of Eddie's neck to hold him closer. "Wait...stop..." Steve managed to push out as Eddie's hand slid up his shirt.
"Are you okay?" Eddie put his forehead against Steve's. Steve put his hand on Eddie's chest. His eyes got wide as he moved his hand up to the side of Eddie's neck. "Woohoo. Earth to lover boy." Eddie smiled and looked at Steve's hand.
"Eddie, you have a pulse." Steve picked up Eddie's wrist and placed two fingers on his veins. "You have a pulse..."
"Maybe you brought me back to life."
"I don't think it's that simple." Steve smiled as he looked into Eddie's dark eyes. His eyes traveled down to Eddie's lips then snapped back up. "There has to be a reason for it." Eddie smiled and shook his head.
"I don't think so." He grabbed Steve's waist and backed him into the wall. Steve smiled as his eyes began get heavy. "Maybe you're my life support." Eddie grabbed the ends of Steve's sweater and started to lift it above his head. Steve's hands were glued onto Eddie's chest.
"Well, we should figure it out..." Steve mumbled as Eddie's lips enchant the sides of his neck. Eddie moved his lips to Steve's shoulder as he left small kisses along his collarbone. Steve's eyes shifted to the door as the phone started ringing downstairs. "I need to get that..." he said as his eyes met Eddie's. Eddie's hand slid into Steve's jeans and held his hip as Steve tried to get away to answer the phone. "Eddie... I have to get that." He wiggled at Eddie's cold rings against his skin.
"Fine... if you must, lover boy." Eddie pulled away from Steve. Steve's face went flush as he grabbed his sweater off the floor and put it on. He walked out of the room and ran down the stairs, almost tripping, grabbing the phone just in time.
"Harrington here." Steve breathed heavy into the phone, trying to catch his breath.
"Hey Dingus. Why aren't you at work?" Robin snapped. She was leaning against the counter as she wrapped the phone chord around her finger.
"I don't work today." Steve stood up straight and his mind went to the schedule.
"You do. You don't have to come in because you're an hour late, and I'll cover for you, but make sure that it doesn't happen again, Steve." Robin's voice sounded annoyed and angry but she genuinely knew something was up if Steve wasn't on time. Steve responded to Robin then glanced up at Eddie who was sitting on the end of the staircase. Steve clicked the phone and walked over to Eddie who was visibly disturbed. Eddie was holding a bottle of pills in his hand.
"What's that, Ed?" Steve stared at the bottle of pills knowing what they were. His heart started to beat quicker.
"They were on the counter in the bathroom. Did you take these?" Eddie sat the pills down on the stairs next to him. Steve didn't know if he should lie or tell Eddie what he had been thinking. All the things happening around him that were causing him enough stress to the point he had to take prescription drugs that weren't for him. Steve went to grab the bottle and Eddie stopped his hand. "Steve, did you take these?"
"I-I... No!" He screeched in his defense.
"Really? Because I remember you getting out of bed last night. You can tell me if you took these. I just want to make sure you're okay." Eddie stood up.
"I-"
"Steve. These are opioids." Eddie grabbed the sides of Steve's face. "You can't take opioids, they'll fuck you up."
"I took a couple of them. I-I didn't know what they were." Steve pulled his face away from Eddie.
"You took pills and you didn't know what they were?" Eddie grabbed them off the stairs and shook them towards Steve. "What are you doing? Are you trying to kill yourself!" He paused and looked at Steve with hurt eyes. "Did you want to kill yourself? Steve, answer me. Do you hurt yourself?" He grabbed Steve's arms and pulled up his sleeves to look for cuts. Eddie's mind always jumped to worse case scenario. He couldn't risk Steve hurting himself and him not knowing. Steve couldn't respond. He felt like his mouth was stapled shut. Steve ran past Eddie and up to his room. He slammed the door closed as he watched Eddie turn around at the bottom of the stairs. Steve slid against the back of the door and sat on the ground. "Steve! Open the door please!" Eddie was already at the door banging his fist against the door.
"I wasn't trying to hurt myself!" Steve yelled through the door his stomach felt like a pit. He felt warm tears stream down his face as he looked up towards the ceiling. "I wouldn't do that." Steve cried hoping Eddie could hear him.
"Steve, let me in. Please." Steve sniffled and opened the door, backing away so Eddie could come in. He wrapped his arms around Steve and they slid to the floor. "Why were you taking them?" Eddie brushed his hand through Steve's hair.
"I thought they would make me feel better." Steve's face was pressed into Eddie's chest so his words were muffled. Steve wrapped his arms around Eddie's waist and squeezed.
"They won't. They'll just make you feel worse." Eddie was speaking from experience. "You don't need them. I'm here for you. I'm here." Eddie was terrified of what he had just seen. He held Steve in his arms hoping there was no chance he would ever lose him. "I don't want to hurt myself." Steve kept his face is Eddie's shirt, refusing to look at Eddie. He didn't want to risk seeing disappointment in Eddie's eyes.
"Steve, look at me." He leaned back so he could see Steve's watery, tired eyes. "I believe you." He kissed Steve's nose. "I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

Eddie glanced over at Steve who was asleep. His eyes were puffy from crying and he had dried tears streaking down his cheeks. Eddie sighed and went into the bathroom. He held the bottle of opioids in his hand. He dumped them into the toilet. He opened the cabinet and rummaged through, dumping any drug that wasn't available on the shelf. Every single prescription left behind by his parents or any single medicine that wasn't for headaches or stomach aches. He looked down at the toilet full of pills he had previously dumped and flushed it, watching them swirl around then go down the toilet. He walked out of the bathroom and walked over to the bed, crawling in and laying next to Steve. Steve's eye cracked open. He pushed his body against Eddie's and wrapped his arms around him. "Tomorrow, we should get out of the house. Maybe go to skull rock and just... relax." Steve mumbled half away. Eddie nodded in agreement. He pulled Steve's head closer to his chest and leaned his face on top of Steve's head.
"I love you." He whispered towards Steve who was already snoring softly into his chest.