A Fighting Chance

A Clean Slate

The four of us sat and ate our breakfast, Chris like Tom, an easy going guy so we were chatting away like we had known each other for years. It was obvious how well Tom and Chris got on, truly like brothers, with all the banter and the teasing that it entailed. Diana and I watched the two of them, exchanging looks now and again when their "humour" evaded even us. At last though, all the rolls were eaten and the tea drunk.

Chris stood up first, "Come on man, let's go and walk for a bit. I have loads to catch up on with you and these two ladies could do without your ugly mug for a while I'm sure." he smiled and gestured to Tom to follow him out the back door. Tom looked at us and we both nodded.

"Go please - have fun, I'll still be here when you get back " I smiled and Diana nodded, standing up.

"Yes, please boys, give us some peace won't you?" she laughed "anyway Kate and I need some girl time!" and she squeezed my shoulder reassuringly. Tom smiled and came over, kissing us both on the cheek, mine just a fraction longer than really necessary. A fact not overlooked by Chris. As they walked out the back door, the last thing I heard was

"Ok fess up, who is she where did you meet her and have you two..." and the door shut before I - or Diana - could hear the conclusion to that. I blushed furiously and stood up to clear the plates. Putting them in the dishwasher along with the mugs, Diana must've sensed my discomfort and I heard her pull out a chair again, sitting down with a gentle sigh. I turned to see her watching me carefully, but with a kindly expression.

"Don't be embarrassed Kate, not with me." she smiled "there's nothing I haven't heard from those two over the years and Chris, well he knows Tom better than most, sometimes even me." she motioned for me to come and sit with her. Wiping my hands on a towel, I pulled up a chair and sat down heavily, rubbing my eyes. Despite the good sleep, I was still exhausted. "I don't know what happened Kate - believe me I'm not prying - but I do want you to remember that they're not all bad. Take those two for instance, mad as a box of frogs the pair of them, but good boys. Elsa knew what she was doing". Elsa I knew was Chris's wife of many years. They had 3 children now and were blissfully happy. I nodded, feeling suddenly comforted by this woman who had taken me into her home, literally approved of me sleeping in the same bed as her son and now was telling me that he was one of the good guys.

Diana , I feel I owe you an explanation." my face reflected the turmoil inside, " it's just I can't tell..."

"Oh my dear little Duckling" she patted my arm "you owe me nothing at all but I am honoured that you even think to explain to me. If and when you tell Thomas is up to you, it is not my secret to share and sometimes we never unlock all the secrets, but you can tell me anything my dear" she smiled, " I have met many of Tom's lady friends over the years, some of whom I have liked more than others it must be said, but none of them give me the feeling you do my dear, like you belong here. I know it's only been a matter of hours, but when you get to my age, you can size people up pretty much on sight" she stood up extending a motherly hand. "If we are to talk properly, lets do it in comfort" I stood and took her hand, letting her lead me like a little child back into the front room from last night.

It looked different in the daylight, just as welcoming but this time sunny and bright with a beautiful view over the gardens and the pond. As we walked in, we could see the 2 boys walking on the far side of the garden, jostling and pushing each other like children. They spied us at the window and waved. We waved back then turned to sit.

"So, the thing is this, I - eh - that is he - " I began then found I couldn't speak, a lump in my throat and tears welling up, threatening to engulf me again. I looked at her desperately searching for the words. I decided to show her instead and lifted my top to show her my bruises. Her face registered shock then horror, anger and immense sadness all within seconds. She opened her arms and I fell into them sobbing. Like a second mother, she held me and shushed me and made me feel so safe. "Thank you" was all I could whisper and she kissed the top of my head. No pity, no judgement, just pure motherly affection. After a few minutes, I say up, wiping my eyes on my sleeve, sniffing. She smiled and patted my hand.

"Better?"

"Yes, much" I managed a watery smile, "there is more to tell you though" and she nodded, taking my hand in hers.

"Go on my dear" she squeezed it gently "Poison can only harm you when it's trapped inside". So I left nothing out. The affairs, the bullying, the beatings and the sexual abuse. At first I would only say he took advantage of me, but as I relaxed and trusted her I eventually admitted he had forced me physically against my will on a regular basis. I still couldn't name it. Couldn't bear the stigma. She stroked my forehead and cheek, as you would a child admitting they were afraid, looking at me intently,

"You were raped my dear. He may have been your husband, but you were raped." her face was white, but her look was determined. I nodded, tears falling again,

"Yes, raped " I whispered for the first time saying it out loud. Suddenly, my stomach lurched and putting a hand to my mouth, I knew I was going to be sick, I ran to the bathroom leaving her sitting. Kneeling beside the toilet, I was aware of her coming in and holding my forehead, keeping my hair out the way. When I was done, I sat back, shaking. My face felt clammy and I had a sheen of sweat on my brow. She dampened a face cloth and passed it to me with a glass of water. "thanks" I managed with a small smile. "wasn't expecting that to be honest". Once I was cleaned up, we went back to the sitting room. I stood at the window this time, looking out into the gardens. "I was weak. I allowed him to do it " I whispered, eyes not really seeing the view. She gently took hold of my arm and turned me round, to meet her gaze.

"No, you weren't weak. You did what you had to in order to survive. And you have. And now you have us. Tom, Me, his sisters and even Chris. We are all here for you. There is something different about him when you are in the room, a mother can sense these things. He will protect you. I will protect you. It's not how long you know someone, it's how well. And I am honoured to know now, how much you trust me. Thank you my dear. " she hugged me tightly, "but what of your mum? Wont she be worried? Maybe you should call her?" she stood up. "I'm going to put the kettle on - come through whenever you're ready dear." she walked over to the door, turning as she left "I have a feeling we will be seeing a lot of each other in the coming days, I for one am so glad of that " and she closed the door behind her softly.

I stood up and looked out the window. Far away across the garden and into the next field, I could see Tom and Chris walking, deep in conversation. It would only be months later I would find out the significance of that conversation.

For now though, I pulled my phone out of my pocket and sat looking at it for a moment. Pressing the call button, I waited, it rang a couple of times and for a second I was worried she wasn't there. It picked up and I smiled to myself,

"Mum? It's me - I'm safe...."

An hour later, I walked back into the kitchen feeling more relieved than I had in a very long time. Diana and the boys sat at the kitchen table, chatting and drinking yet more tea. As I walked in, they turned to me and Tom got up, crossing over and taking my hand. The familiar fire ignited in me again, the feeling of his hands and his close proximity making me lightheaded and slightly giggly, we smiled at each other.

"You ok?" he asked quietly "did you speak to your Mum? " he rubbed a circle on the back of my hand with his thumb, making the hairs on the back of my neck stand up. I looked into his face, his eyes capturing me just as they had in bed that morning. All I could do was nod. For a moment, lost in each other, we stood until there was a not very discrete cough in the background from Chris who winked at me theatrically.

We turned, both of us a little flushed and Tom laughed "Ehehehe - come and sit down - we have a surprise for you!" and I instantly looked at them with suspicion. Chris smiled broadly at me and Tom, still holding my hand as if it was the most natural thing in the world, said "yep. You need to brace yourself for this - we have decided you need a night out. You need to -ahem - widen your circle of friends" and the two of them sniggered.

Diana stood up and went to put her mug in the sink. "Now now, you two " she said with a light laugh "you promised to behave" and she shook her head. Chris turned to her and shook his,

"No Mrs H, what we promised, was to look after her - not the same thing at all!" and with that the three of us laughed, some more heartily than others it had to be said!