A Fighting Chance

The Christmas Present

I was always a sceptical believer , a healthy dose of realism along side a sneaking wish to hedge my bets and believe in The Almighty. Perhaps that's why it took so long. To get through. To be answered. But answered I was.

In the hour of someone's greatest sorrow, came our greatest joy. There had been an accident and someone's family gave the greatest gift they could to honour the one they lost. They gave me life.

Within an hour of the call, I was prepped and in theatre. As they put me to sleep, I started to cry. I was alone, Tom's arms weren't round me and I hadn't told him I loved him. It was my worst nightmare. The nurse held my hand and promised I would be able to tell him myself afterwards. As I counted back from 10 and slipped under, my last mumble was 'more than yesterday'.

While I was being wheeled into theatre, Tom parked up outside. He told me later he'd almost passed out in the car he was so scared, but knowing this was the final hurdle he'd taken his strength from me. He was there by my bedside when I was wheeled back , all bandaged and swaddled in blankets. They warned him I would be drowsy for a while but he was determined to be the first face I saw.

I woke from the operation sore and very very nauseous. In fact, as I opened my eyes and tried to speak, I was sick. Very sick, all over Tom, who was dozing lightly, leaning with his hand holding mine on the bed.

I was mortified - Tom however, was ecstatic. I was awake and everything was going to be ok. It was going to be a long road, I would need to be careful but there was every chance I was going to actually be better than the woman I was before!!

Christmas Day came and went in an alternating haze of painkillers and sleep. Tom spent it , like every day in the last few months, by my side. We decided the boys were so little they wouldn't remember if they had their presents delayed a little. We decided to have Christmas when I got hone.

After a week I was well enough and it was time. I would see in the New Year with my own family in my own house. Just a week before I thought I would never see it again.

Walking slowly to the car, leaning on Tom's arm, I stopped and breathed in the cold morning air. It was sunny, the sky was a sharp blue and there was a light frost on the grass. I looked about me, appreciating the beauty all over again. I looked up at Tom, he was just smiling down at me, his eyes crinkling into his usual beautuful smile.
"Ok love?" He asked gently patting my hand where it lay on his arm. I nodded and took another deep breath, letting it out in a big whoosh. "Yep. Let's go home ?" He kissed my cheek and guided me on.

My mum, Diana and Emma were waiting with the twins at home. Luke had kindly offered to drive us, so we could sit together as I made the journey. I knew I would be ok but Tom was determined to wrap me in cotton wool, and for once I didn't fight it.

As the New Year rang in, we all stood in our living room and raised a glass.

This was the toast I thought I would never make. This was the year I never thought I would see. This was our year.

Everyone drifted off to bed leaving Tom and I standing, his arms around me as he stood behind, looking at the fireworks over the local park. It reminded me of Vegas, on our wedding night. I twisted round a little and saw the sparkling lights reflected in his eyes. When he looked down at me, I felt the same emotion rising in my throat.

"I love you so much Tom" I said, gazing up into his eyes, my hands on his chest. No add-ons, no funny quips.
He looked down at me, a single tear slipped out and down his cheek like a tiny diamond.

He closed his eyes and kissed me deeply. When we parted, he looked into my eyes and whispered,
"Doubt that the sun doth move, doubt the truth to be a liar, but never doubt I love you"

I smiled, Tom quoting Hamlet to me was my perfect end to a perfect moment. Well, almost the end. He swept me into his arms, his lips finding mine again and carried me to bed. We brought in the New Year quietly and intimately, the way lovers do.

By the end of January I felt well enough to go back to working from home, sitting at my laptop wasn't going to tax me any and I still had Granny Diana to help with the boys and the housework. Tom was absolutely amazing. He was filming in the south of England but came home every day. He was totally exhausted but he wouldn't be persuaded to stay locally.

"No sweetheart, I told you that you came first and I meant it. They've agreed I can have a driver so I can sleep a bit in the car or run lines or just relax. I am coming home and that's all there is to it ok?" He was determined and his face had an expression that defied any discussion. I gave in. There was no point in arguing. Had the tables been turned, I knew I would have been exactly the same.

Once I was back on my feet, we talked about the blessing again. We decided to go with the original plan and have it in Suffolk. The Church was re-booked, much to the local Vicar's delight and we hired a marquee for the back garden of Diana's house. We would have champagne and food and dancing. Lots of dancing. It would be in October, still Autumn like we originally planned. It seemed to have come full circle.

The summer marked the twins first birthday and what a party we had. Everyone wanted to be there - even Uncle Chris and Auntie Elsa so we had a full house. We were taking bets on what their first words would be and I jokingly said it would be "Loki" since Tom seemed intent on playing some Marvel film or other every time he was left in charge.

As it turned out, Chris was the first to break into words. We had just strapped the pair of them into their chairs so we could give them some food. Everyone was talking and taking photos - they loved the attention of course - when there was a lull in the conversation. I was feeding Jamie, Tom had Chris. His attention was distracted by someone asking a question and the spoon hung in the air, halfway to poor little Chris's mouth. As Tom turned away, a tiny voice said "Dada!" For a second it didn't register, then we both looked at him and he gurgled happily, "Dada!" stretching out his little hand towards Tom and the spoon. There was a pause then an "OH MY GOD!" then lots of celebration. From that moment on Chris was a chatterbox. Jamie followed on in about a week after that and from THAT moment on the house was a riot of noise from morning till night. We wouldn't have had it any other way.

Before either of us realised, it was mid-September and almost wedding time again. Part of me was desperate to do it, we had waited so long, but part of me was almost scared to make the dream a reality. Was it really going to happen this time or would something else go wrong? I still wasn't superstitious but....

Finally, the day dawned. Our day. Our special, longed for day.

As I opened my eyes, for a moment I was confused. I recognised the wallpaper and the furniture and the room, still straight out of a Jane Austen novel. The sun shone in through the lace curtains, bathing the room in a pale gold October morning. Had it all been a dream? Was this really only the beginning? I sat up, rubbing my eyes and heard a mumble. No, it most definitely was real. There, across the room, the boys slept in their travel cot and next to me in bed was Tom, still sleeping soundly, mumbling to himself. I smiled and stroked the hair out of his eyes, making him stir.

"Morning handsome" I said leaning over and kissing him softly.

"Mmm you better be careful" he said, without opening his eyes "my wife isn't far away. She's not really up for sharing me" and smirked.

"Is that a fact?" I ran my hand over his chest and he made that 'ooooh' face I knew so well " I don't share either so there we are. What to do ?" he grabbed my hand and pulled me down to him,

"just as well we have somewhere to be or I would show you" he growled in my ear, his breath hot on my neck. "I may just have to take you in hand later missy" he kissed my neck. I pulled away, groaning and got out of bed.

"C'mon Hiddles, it's time." I walked into the bathroom and closed the door. The countdown was on.