TALY
It was 9 in the morning when I woke up. Ang bigat ng pakiramdam ko siguro kasi kailangan ko na namang pumunta roon.
I am visiting a psychiatrist because the trauma that he gave was no joke.
I had to go through a lot and he was not even sorry for what he did to me.
To us.
I took a quick shower and I just wore a brown sweater and jeans. Nag-timpla ako ng kape because coffee is helping me to start my day.
But the coffee tastes bitter maybe because my life is now fucked up.
When he gave me trauma I was not my usual self anymore. I don't even enjoy the things I used to enjoy. That's the impact of ruining someone's life. I just sighed because these thoughts are not going to help me.
I went to my car and I started it.
Papunta na ako sa clinic kung saan ako nagpapa-therapy at naisipan kong mag radio upang hindi ako mabagabag ng mga iniisip ko.
And then natutulog ba ang Diyos played on the radio.
The stop light turns red and I looked outside. Sometimes I wondered kung natutulog ba talaga ang Diyos. Pero para sa akin ay hindi, ang bigat bigat na ng dinadala ko but I'm always holding on to Him.
His will for me is to move forward. I was never a believer, but when things has been so hard, I asked for His help.
His will is to keep me move forward and not to end the pain by ending my life so I'm really trying my best to overcome this pain.
I arrived at the clinic and my psychiatrist motioned me to sit down. It was my 2nd time here and I knew I needed to talk about what really happened to me.
I sat on the couch in front of her and she asked if I'm comfortable with my seat, I just nodded to her. After minute of silence, I closed my eyes and I sighed.
As I opened my eyes, she started talking.
"I know this may be a sensitive topic to discuss, naiintindihan ko kung hindi mo agad masasabi lahat, hindi mo kailangan pilitin." Dr. Jaxie said.
I nodded and I looked at her.
"Actually, I had a miscarriage and it's been my greatest nightmare." I said to her, my eyes are now forming tears.
***
Music used: Natutulog ba ang Diyos - Gary Valenciano
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