When I Look At You

Chapter 6

You knock on Leigh's door and wait for an answer. She texted you about dinner plans but after having slept together a few weeks ago, you still weren't sure how to act around her. The day after it happened, you woke up to an empty bed and quickly fell back asleep because of the travel exhaustion. She came over for dinner a couple nights later but nothing else happened. For the most part things were normal. Up until now, if she wanted to hangout she just came over to your house. Now that she invited you over, you didn't know if dinner plans meant the same thing as they used to. Before it meant come over, debate on what to watch, debate on what to eat, then just be around each other. Now... you aren't quite sure what it means.

When Leigh finally comes to the door she wears a confused expression, "Wait. Did you knock?"

"Yeah, I did."

She scoffs, "Why? You know you can just come right in. I did invite you over."

"Yeah but I wasn't sure what the rules are now that we've... y'know..." Leigh crosses her arms over her chest and leans on the frame as she plays dumb in order to get you to say it. After many attempts of avoiding and tiptoeing you finally give in. "Sex, we had sex and now I don't know the rules," you finally say.

Leigh nods once and leans against the wall beside the door to allow you in. "Come on, I suppose this talk is going to have to happen at some point." You walk in, about as excited as she sounds to be having this conversation.

Neither of you knows where to start. The two sit on the sofa at each end to keep as much distance as possible. "So..." you drag out. She copies and it makes you laugh nervously. "I don't think I've ever been in this situation before," you state truthfully.

"Really?" She doesn't hide her surprise. You confirm it and she adjusts her position on the couch as she compares her other relationships. "I kind of have been in a similar situation. Except that one didn't start or end well. This, however, is still different and I don't know what we should do about it either." I just want this to be better than what happened with Danny, she thinks to herself.

You look away from her and to the coffee table where a copy of the book she helped you make sits. Both names sit on the cover and they look good together. You could imagine them on wedding invitations and you have to stop the thoughts from continuing. Then to the painting that hangs on the wall above the television. It was a mess of splattered paint that the two of you made together. One day several months ago, you were tired of writing and wanted to do something creative but messy. So, you bought a large canvas and all kinds of paints. Leigh found you in the backyard about to make the mess alone and asked if she could join you. By the end, the paint wasn't only thrown at the canvas. It was all over the two of you as you guys ate a few pot brownies and had a paint war with each other. After, she told you that she had just ended things with Ed. The painting was then named Free of Ed. It was the first time you considered asking her out.

"Are we still allowed to date other people?" You ask, eyes focused on the painting.

Leigh snaps her head in your direction, her gaze having wandered as well, and watches you carefully. "Why? Do you want to date other people?"

You make a face as you think about dating again. Through Leigh's experiences, you've been able to get an idea of what is out there and it wasn't very appealing. Besides, there was the chance that a person wouldn't want you for you. They could want your money and status which was easy to sniff out but you didn't want to waste the hour to find that out. Or they don't know anything about you and you have to comfort them as you tell them about the family you lost. There were endless scenarios of the kinds of people you could have meal after meal with but you did not want to venture a single one of them. "Not really, no," you say finally.