Everything & More (Book 1 in the E.C.N Series)

Chapter 39-Martha

                  My stomach was killing me, as I held it trying to contain my laughter. Ryan and I were sitting at opposite ends of the couch, drinking wine, and reminiscing about the past. After putting on some clothes, Ryan pretended like nothing happened. It was probably to preserve whatever dignity I had left. We ate, watched T.V and just enjoyed each other's company.

"Oh My God! I can't believe I forgot that happened." I managed to push out in between my laughter.

"How could you forget, you were so mad at me. I still can't believe you managed to sneak in that red sock. I had to wear bright pink pants to school."

"I did say I would get you back for the food fight we had at my house the week before if I remember correctly."

He gazed to the side fondly, "Aah, yes, cold spaghetti sauce down your bra."

"Ryan!" I had a bewildered look on my face and all he did was shrug.

~~~~~~

It was about 1am and Ryan and I were watching reruns of SNL. We weren't on opposite ends of the couch anymore. Ryan was laying down with his head on my lap, as I had my arm draped over his chest. We had been watching and laughing for about over an hour and I had lost count of how much we had been drinking. Occasionally, I would feel Ryan's hand cover my own and he would play with my fingers. I felt so comfortable here.

"Hey Mar?"

He grabbed my attention from the T.V. as I looked down at him. Ryan starred up, reminding me of when we were kids, seeing his amazing eyelashes up close. I always believed eyelashes were wasted on guys, some of us are cursed with unnecessarily short stubby ones. Not me thank God but my mother never stopped bitching about hers. That's why she always got fake ones put on.

"Hmm."

"Do you miss this?.....Us?" His voice contained such hope, I knew what he meant.

Even though we had been getting closer over several months, we were never truly alone. Lori was always there as a buffer and when the night was over, she would crash at my place. This was only the second or third night that it was just Ryan and I, like it used to be. Growing up, even though we went to different schools, once we came home we were always hanging out. Holding each other as we watched movies, laughing, pranking one another. A lot of that stopped when we were 15. Jonathan came into my life and I thought of it to be wrong to do that stuff with someone who wasn't my boyfriend. Ryan was always there though, no matter how much Jonathan hated it.

"Yes...I do." I admitted.

He had a light grin on his face as he heard my words. Then he narrowed his eyes in a mischievous manner, "So... what did you get me for Christmas?"

I scoffed and giggled at him shaking my head. "This coming from a man that doesn't even celebrate it."

"I know." He shrugged "Just wanted to make sure you didn't waste your money."

"I could never waste my money on you." I leaned down and kissed his forehead. When I straightened up the most adorable tinge of pink covered Ryan's cheeks. "Oh did I make someone blush?" I asked teasingly.

Ryan refused to make eye contact with me as he cleared his throat, avoiding my question. "But seriously... don't waste your money on me."

"Please, I wouldn't even know what to get you anyways... and the same goes for you. This isn't going to be like when we were in high school and you would surprise me with something. You don't understand how guilty and stupid I felt for listening to you."

Ryan feigned hurt and exasperation as he placed his hand on his chest, "Why?!"

"Because you told me not to get you anything and three times, you still gave me a gift."

He chuckled slightly, "I couldn't help it but I can promise that this year there will be no gift."

Narrowing my eyes, I gave him a skeptical look, "Really?"

"Yes, really I promise."

"Fine."

He nodded his head once decidedly happy with the outcome of the conversation, "Glad we're on the same page."

We definitely aren't.

Ryan didn't really celebrate Christmas when we were growing up.  He didn't have the best upbringing. His father did his best after his mother passed but I saw Ryan struggling. One of the reasons why my mother didn't want me hanging out with him in the first place. She didn't want me around what she deemed to be "a bad influence". Thankfully my mother saw good things in Ryan despite his background and we were able to remain friends.

My mind wandered for a moment and I made a split second decision. I moved my body and tapped on his chest signaling Ryan to sit up. I went to the side table next to the barcalounger and opened the drawer. Picking up a stack of papers, I shut the drawer and sat back down on the couch. Ryan was looking at the papers with a curious look of what was to come next. For some reason he was the first person I wanted to tell. Maybe it was the wine, but I wanted my friend to know. I handed the papers to him.

Ryan took a moment before he reached out slowly and took them from my hand. He examined and began looking through it. When he was done, Ryan looked at me with an unreadable expression upon his face, "Why did you show this to me?"

I shrugged, crossing my legs underneath me as I sat. "I haven't told anyone. A big part of me just thought you should know."

He paused for a moment, like he was thinking carefully about what he said next, "You know...I remember when you came over to my house and you were freaking out about getting married so young. You told me that if I really thought it was a bad idea I should tell you and that you would walk away because you knew I would never lie to you. But I knew you were just having cold feet, it was your fear talking. I saw how much you loved him, hell, anyone could see it written all over your face. How could I tell you at that moment, your judgment was wrong?" I saw how hard it was for him to tell me to marry Jonathan that night. That day he put aside his feelings towards him and told me he just wanted me to be happy.

A sad smile sat on my lips as I looked down at my hands, "Probably would have saved me all this heartbreak."

"Don't" He stated sternly. His expression softened once he held my gaze. "Don't think of the what ifs, because anything that doesn't involve Paige doesn't make any sense."

I felt such a warm feeling coursing through my body at Ryan's words. He was right. I couldn't live with any regrets. I knew that in the beginning of all this mess. It was just sometimes I found myself wondering if this heartbreak was worth it. Remembering I got Paige out of the deal and even though my problems are far from over. I will go through this all over again just for her.

He handed the papers back to me. I looked down at them and let the title of the first page sink in: Petition For Divorce