𝘾 𝙖 𝙡 𝙢 🌼 A Pocket Guide To Breathe Easy

someone has been unkind and careless, and it has hurt me

The problem.

Maybe I know them well, maybe I know them some, or maybe I have had but one interaction with them online. Whichever way, they have been mean and selfish, while I, having not reciprocated their anger, sit saddened. Someone has been unkind and careless, and it has hurt me.

The Zen understanding.

The conventional advice is to look upon that person as troubled and to empathize with them. It is true that this person is troubled, and you should empathize. After all, your kindness is what makes you different at this moment. Never lose sight of this.

That said, you should also not lose sight of why you are kind. Indeed, if you're the one hurting from this negative exchange, it doesn't necessarily help to make it all about them. Analyzing their situation is not likely to strengthen your compassionate resolve, so it's important to consider something else.

You must also realize your greater station. If you would not be as unkind or uncaring as that person, then you are more enlightened than them. It is foolish to be unkind. So, take comfort knowing you are not a fool. You're compassionate, which makes you arm in arm with the wise.

A Zen Buddhist regards everyone as a teacher, but there are different kinds of teachers. Someone who is quarrelsome and selfish is the kind of teacher that runs first over a wobbly bridge and falls in, signaling you should not do the same. This fool taught you a great deal by falling, and you should be grateful for the lesson, but you must also realize they are an unwise teacher and that it is Ultimately your job to teach them, not the other way around.

The Zen application.

If someone acts unkind for silly and impermanent reasons, use this as a bell of reminder to never be foolish yourself. Walk the higher road as a Boddhistsattva. Strive to be the better person and never the fool dangling from a bridge.