VILLAINY - L.LAUFEYSON

thirty-four: INFIRMARY

"steve exhales through his nose and smiles - a half-laugh."

THE INFIRMARY ROOM IS THE blandest, blankest, and loneliest of all rooms.

   Everything is white. The walls, the floor, the ceiling, the sheets, the bedspread, everything. Her body is connected to machines by wires, machines that whir and beep obnoxiously at all times. Even though she has only been here for a few days, she feels like she cannot remember a time when she wasn't attached to these machines.

   She does not really want to remember those times right now, anyway.

   When Steve rounds the corner into her room, her eyes instantly flicker to him. He gives a smile, holding up a white cup with the red outline of a girl on the front.

   "I brought you a Frosty," he says, stepping into the room. "Tony says they're magical - I didn't believe him until I tried one for myself."

   Amara smiles a small smile as she takes the cup and spoon from Steve. "Thank you," she says, her voice a rough whisper. It still hurts to speak, but it has started to get better now instead of worse.

   After the battle, Tony said she had been unconscious for nearly sixteen hours. During that time, she was given an injury screening by Bruce. The verdict was she had three broken ribs, a gastrointestinal perforation, a bruised jawbone, tracheal trauma, and several other small cuts and bruises. If that wasn't enough, her face and neck are now decorated with bulging veins and bruises from where Loki had strangled her. Both her eyes have burst blood vessels and have a slightly yellow tint.

   The first time she looked at herself in the mirror after the attack, she felt so sick that she has not looked in a mirror since.

   Slowly, she begins eating the Frosty Steve brought her. The ice cream is thick and a little difficult to swallow, but she manages. Bruce has just recently cleared her to eat soft foods, so the sensation of tasting good food nearly brings her to euphoria.

   "How've you been feeling?" Steve asks, taking a careful seat at the edge of her hospital bed.

   She thickly swallows some of the Frosty before attempting an answer. "Better," she admits softly. "I'm ready to be away from these machines."

   Steve exhales through his nose and smiles - a half-laugh. "I understand that," he says, his tone suggesting that he truly does. "Bruce says only a few more days. Even with your magic still drained, you're healing up pretty fast."

   Amara nods, her focus mostly on her Frosty. She has discovered that letting it melt into a liquid before she swallows it makes it much easier to get down. Plus, it allows her to savor the taste much more.

   A lengthy silence passes before Steve sighs, looking down. Amara pauses, her gaze flickering to him.

   Steve looks up with worry in his eyes before he speaks. "He's still not awake yet."

   Amara's eyes drift away from Steve's. She sets her Frosty down on the tray in front of her and crosses her arms over her abdomen.

   She hasn't had the strength to admit it to anyone yet, but after what happened in the battle, after what he did to her, her feelings about Loki have become... complicated. She of course knows that he was under mind control and can't be held accountable for his actions - she has known that from the beginning. But at the same time, every time she thinks about him, she sees him above her with his hands around her neck, strangling the life out of her. She sees those cold, blue eyes, hears that emotionless, menacing voice. It is the most complicated situation she has ever faced, because Loki's actions proved that he has the potential to become villainous and evil; she has seen it first hand. So, as she has been lying in her infirmary bed, the question has been swarming her thoughts: How fine is the line that separates the Loki of her past from the Loki that nearly killed her?

   In her most shameful moments, she has even wondered if they are one and the same.

   "No one really knows why he isn't waking up... Bruce thinks it may be some kind of trauma-induced coma. There's no way to tell when he'll break out of it."

   Steve's voice brings Amara out of her own mind and back into the present. She picks up her Frosty and once again begins to take slow spoonfuls.

   "I think Bruce may be right," she says between bites.

   Steve nods. "I do, too. If I'm being honest, I'm not really looking forward to him waking up... It's gonna be really hard."

   Amara nods her agreement. She does not particularly want to think about what it will be like when Loki wakes up. To prevent more conversation on the topic, she decides to change the subject.

   "Stephen hasn't visited me yet," she says. "Where has he been?"

   Steve looks up, blowing out a breath as he thinks. "Uh, I think on some mission with Wanda. Something about getting her brother and their friend out of HYDRA?"

   The explanation rings a bell. Amara now remembers Stephen telling her that when she first met Wanda, but had forgotten in the midst of everything that had happened. "Oh, yes... I remember now."

   Steve nods. "Yeah. I'll tell him to come to visit as soon as he gets back, though. I know you two are close."

   Amara gives a mindless shrug. "Not close. We just... were there for each other in the worst of times."

   Steve smiles, letting a hum. "Sounds like me and one of my old friends, except we were close. Almost like brothers, really." His smile turns a bit sad, and although a part of Amara wants to ask questions, she decides not to for Steve's sake.

   For a long while, Amara slowly finishes her Frosty, and Steve sits with her, not saying anything, just being there. In Amara's eyes, it is a nice gesture that brings her a momentary sense of comfort and peace.