• Tay •
"When are you coming back?" I asked her, tears streaming down my cheeks. By the look on her face, I could already guess her answer. "Please, tell me you're going to come back. You can't j-just leave me. Please, Jenna..."
"I have to go, Taylor," she said, giving me a kiss on the cheek before walking away, leaving me alone in my front yard.
That year was the hardest. I had to make it through the rest of Junior year without her, and looking back, I don't see how I made it. She meant so much to me, too much to me, and knowing that I'd never see her again broke my heart. I had to let go of the one thing that made me happy, and that was the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
She would send letters, about once or twice a month. I didn't open them, I couldn't, so I would always send them back. I didn't want to hear about how better her life was in Australia, not when I was ten thousand miles away and miserable without her. She continued to send them, though. I guess she didn't get the message.
Although I never wrote her back, I still thought about her everyday. It sounds a bit sad, but it's true. I thought about her laugh, her smile, the stupid jokes she made to make me feel better after a long day. My favorite thing about her was how hard she tried to make me laugh. We both knew she was terrible at telling jokes, but her numerous attempts to get a laugh or even a smile out of me made me realize how much she cared.
It hurt thinking about these things, though. Remembering everything we went through together only made the pain worse. Sometimes I wondered if leaving hurt her as much as it hurt me. I hope it didn't.
One afternoon after school, I went to her house. It had been months since she left, which meant it had been months since I'd last been there. I sat on her porch almost as if I expected her to come out and sit with me, like the old days. Like I was expecting her to pull me into a hug, wipe away my tears, then tell me a stupid joke. But of course, that didn't happen, and that's when I finally broke.
I went straight home and as soon as I got there, I threw away all the pictures I had of us. I deleted all the text messages, ripped up all our old notes, and threw away everything that reminded me of her. It was hard throwing away all the memories, but I told myself that it was worth it.
A year passed, and I was doing better. I was in my Senior year of high school and my grades were better than ever. I surrounded myself with positive people who supported me and made me happy. Jenna still sent letters, but like always, I sent them back. I told myself that reading them would make me a weaker person. Deep down I knew that wasn't true, but I told myself that anyway.
"Do you want to Lynn's party tonight?" My friend Hayley asked as we walked down the sidewalk. I lived down the street from her, so we would walk home from school together.
"I don't know." I shrugged. "I was kinda hoping you and I could go to the movies or something."
"I like that idea better," she admitted, smiling. "We could see the Poltergeist, and then we could go back to your house, eat a lot of junk food and cuddle."
"Sounds like a plan."
Hayley and I became good friends over the summer. We spent a lot of time together and realized that we had a lot in common. Now we're very close, and I really liked her.
It was no secret that I had feelings for her, and she's made it clear many times that she had feelings for me, too, but I was afraid to make a move because I didn't want to screw anything up. She was the first person I actually liked after Jenna, and that scared me.
