Love. It was something that most people desired, whether or not they would like to admit it. Some people had fallen in love and made it last, some have had their hearts broken and stomped on and vowed to never fall again, and others, like Jenna McDougall, have never fallen in love but wanted to so badly. When she was young, she dreamed of marrying a nice boy with pretty eyes and soft hair, but that dream changed when she started discovering more about herself.
In middle school, she kissed a girl for the first time. Her name was Lyndsey and she had soft hands. She remembered holding them whenever she was scared or needed comfort. After all, Lyndsey was her best friend and that was what best friends were for. The only problem was that Jenna began feeling things for her best friend that she couldn't explain, and whenever she tried, everyone told her it was wrong. All her life she was told that she was supposed to like boys and boys only. There was no way she could like girls, but that's what she thought before she kissed Lyndsey Gunnulfsen in the eighth grade.
She was lying in her bed, head resting peacefully on her chest, arms wrapped around her torso, and she couldn't help but admire her beautiful face. The way the sunlight from the open window illuminated her pale skin made it impossible for her to not stare. So she did, she stared, until Lyndsey looked back down at her and smiled. The next thing she remembered was reaching up and leaning in, and before she knew it, her lips hesitantly met the brunette's. She was kissing her, and she was scared. She expected her to pull away and yell at her and tell her to leave, so she was surprised when the other girl reciprocated her actions and began to kiss back.
"Never knew you were into girls," Lyndsey spoke seconds after pulling away.
"Yeah, neither did I."
The next time she kissed a girl was in her first year of high school. Hayley Williams, a junior in her art class, invited her to a party. Jenna drank a bit, but not too much, and when she woke up the next morning she could still taste the sweetness of Jess Bowen's lips from when they made out in Hayley's closet. It was nice, and needless to say, she definitely preferred it to kissing boys.
After that night, she became more comfortable with her sexuality. She kissed more girls, and she didn't care if people thought it was wrong because there was no way in hell something that felt so nice could be so terrible for her. She also dated a few girls throughout her high school years. Her longest relationship was with a girl named Alyssa. It lasted nine months, but ended shortly after the two girls went off to college.
The break up was hard for Jenna, and she spent weeks crying over the girl. She missed the touch of her soft, gentle hands, the nights they spent together in her bed just talking about anything and everything, and the way her tender lips felt on her own. Being unable to experience those things was torture, and being away from home made her feel even worse. It took two weeks of Jenna sobbing in the middle of the night and not speaking to anyone for her roommate to finally say something.
"You need to do something about your...problem," the girl, Alexa, told her one evening.
"Excuse me?" Jenna asked, a bit offended. "What do you mean 'my problem'?"
The shorter girl sighed, thinking of a better way to put it. "You keep crying at night, and it's quite worrying...and annoying," she said under her breath. "It's obvious there's something wrong and I don't know what it is, but you should probably talk to someone about it."
Jenna shook her head. "No, it's stupid. I'm just a stupid girl crying over another stupid girl with green eyes and a stupid smile that could probably outshine the sun."
"Uh..."
"You don't have to say anything; I know I sound dumb."
"Were you in love with her?" Alexa asked, sitting down beside her.
