Not Around The Corner

I'll Help You Out

“Death is not the greatest loss in life. The greatest loss is what dies inside us while we live.” ~ Norman Cousins

Since Gaurav had called me I was worried. He was still on his honeymoon and couldn’t reach Jai. I was making my way to Jai’s house. Akash had left me a couple of minutes ago. I rushed upstairs. Jai was depressed and not communicating. As soon as I heard Gaurav on the phone, I was worried for Jai. I hadn’t seen him at all since we were back from Singapore. He had been aloof.

I rang the doorbell to be welcomed by Jai’s father. He didn’t look cheerful. “Please get him out of there,” he said pleadingly, “Gaurav has already tried calling him but he’s stubborn.” I nodded and went towards Jai’s room.

I knocked a couple of times but there was no answer from the other side. “Could you just acknowledge the knock so that I can get a proof that you are alive?” I asked impatiently.

He groaned inside giving me the proof I needed. He could be so childish. I stood silently for a while planning my next strategy. Jai being Jai couldn’t take in the silence anymore and asked, “Are you still out there?”

I decided not to reply. Let him open the door to see. Then I’ll go in and talk with him.

“I am not coming out to see if you are there,” he replied. His voice was so low. Why couldn’t he just talk with somebody and try feeling better? Gaurav said he was like this every year on this day.

I heard footsteps approaching the door. I braced myself to enter as soon as he opened the door. He stopped near the door.

“Are you really gone?” he asked.

“No,” I said.

He opened the door slightly and I pushed the door open. He fell down and I entered the room. I couldn’t help not smiling looking at him flat on his butt.

“It’s not funny,” he said sullenly. I gave him a hand to get up. He pushed it away.

He got up and walked outside the room. He went to the study. I followed him there. He was staring at the photo frames up the wall. There were pictures from his childhood up till high school. His mother was there in each and every picture. Then I noticed his graduation picture and saw that that one was with his father only.

His mother had expired a year before he graduated. He was only twenty. And today was that fateful day when eight years ago she had had that fatal accident. Gaurav had told me all about it. Jai tended to go into hiding during this time and Gaurav worried about him.

I went and held his hand. His eyes were filled up but he wasn’t letting those tears out. He looked away from me. I turned his face towards me and gave him look that said it was okay to let it all out. He closed his eyes. He had every right to be sad but gutting himself wasn’t helping him and he needed to let go.

“I wasn’t in town when the accident happened or I would have killed that bastard who rammed into her car from behind,” he said tightening his hands on the chair. “I left immediately from New York as soon as I heard what had happened. I hadn’t seen her for a year. I was going to come back after graduation. We had so many plans. She was my mom. How could he lose control? Why does he get to stay alive? When I spoke with her the previous day how was I to know that it was the last time I would be hearing her voice?”

I let him take it all out. He hadn’t realized it, but he was crying now. “He took it all away in that one day. He took my mom away from me forever. I don’t know how my dad lives every single day of his life without her. How does he do it? How did he let go? How do I do that, Rhea?”

I tried to calm him down. “What he did cannot be forgiven. Ever. But you cannot be like this. You are hurting yourself and the people around you. Don’t you think this day is equally hard for your father? Even more so. How does you behaving like this help? I know he took it all away from you but that was eight years ago and you are still letting him affect you,” taking his face in my palms I looked him in the eyes and said,” you have to be strong for your father. He has had a lot to endure already. And you have to let go and forget that guy. Don’t forgive but forget. He’s not worth it. Remember the good times. She’s looking at you from up there and I know with all my heart that she’s proud of you and wants you to be happy. You have achieved so much in life, never losing hope. You are a great guy and right now you are not making it easy for her.”

He wiped his tears away. He gave me a measly smile. “That’s okay for now but you can do better,” I said smiling.

“Thanks for coming,” he said. “When did you get so smart?” he asked teasingly. He was smiling now and he was back. How happy was I to see him smirk!

I smiled and gave him a fake glare. He smirked even more.

“Why couldn’t you just tell me about today?” I asked him.

“Didn’t want to spoil your big day,” he replied.

“That was very noble of you, “I teased him.

“So how was it?” he asked avoiding the teasing.

“It was great. I so wanted you to be there,” I sincerely told him.

He smiled now. “I am sorry I couldn’t make it.”

“I missed you,” I told him. A surprised look momentarily flitted across his face.

“You should have just told me about today,” I said stubbornly. “Instead of moping around like this.”

“And what would you have done?” he asked curiously.

“Within five minutes of me being here I got you to smile. I have that power over you,” I said fake-haughtily.

He smiled again. “You do, don’t you? Next time, I will call you,” he said.

“Good. You are more important to me okay?” I said authoritatively.

“Got it, “he said.  “You want to see something?” he asked, now in a much better mood than he was when I arrived.

“Sure,” I replied with curiosity. I was just happy that he was talking.

He opened a drawer and removed a couple of pictures taken during the non-digital era. The first one was of Nikhil, Gaurav, Jai and I with Jai’s parents. It was a picnic to a nearby water park. It had been a pleasant day. I was thirteen then and all these guys were fifteen. His mother had her arm around me as if protecting me from these guys. She had always been amazing.

The second picture was a picture of these three guys being completely drenched and posing comically. I smiled at the memory. It really had been a fun day. The last picture was of Jai’s mother and me. We were sitting at the local restaurant in the park. I was leaning on her shoulder. I was overwhelmed looking at the picture.

“I loved her too you know,” I said to Jai. “Especially when she yelled at you when you were making my life a living hell.”

“You can keep that picture,” he said. He smiled and wiped the tear of my face.

His hand was still caressing my cheek. He had opened up to me. Nobody knew this side of Jai. I had had the privilege to know his vulnerable part and somehow I felt nice that I could help. He kept looking into my eyes and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear when Uncle called out from outside.

“Rhea darling, will you be staying for dinner?”

It bought us out of our reverie. And we moved away from each other.

“No, Uncle. I should be at home. I was just about to leave,” I said.

“Feel better, okay?” I said leaving. “I’ll try,” he replied with faint hope. I turned back and gave him a peck on the cheek. “Call me if you need anything.”

He nodded and I left. I felt bad for him. Even though my parents hadn’t been there at every step of my life, the thought of losing them would always scare me.

I decided to check up on him after a couple of days. Today he needed his space.