Not Around The Corner

Let Him Go

 Thought this song totally go with Akash's emotion. Last To Know by The Wanted.. -------->>>>>

“I mean, maybe under the surface, somewhere that's hard to see, I've known it had to end for a long time. I just never thought I'd be the one to end it.” ~ Susane Colasanti

As I got back home today evening, I realized I had to end it with Akash. Even though I didn’t know Jai’s status, I couldn’t go on with Akash. The feelings I had for him were far from love and since the trip with Jai, I had grown distant with each passing day. The fight two days back hadn’t helped the situation.  I felt like a traitor. And right now even though I knew I wasn’t in love with Jai and I was very angry, I knew what I had with him could be precious and it wouldn’t be long before I would fall for him. Even if I didn’t end up with Jai, it didn’t quiet matter. I knew Akash wasn’t the right guy for me. He deserved much better.

I needed to talk with Akash. I was going to meet him today. With a cup of coffee in my hand, I went and sat on the porch. It was my favorite place in the house. It helped me think. It helped me mull. It was my quiet place. I had to think about how I was going to tell him. I leaned on the pillar and looked up at the sky. I felt bad, but I really didn’t have a choice. My heart hadn’t selected him. I shut my eyes tight and prayed for forgiveness. I was going to break his heart and I was going to break my heart too.

As my eyes came down I smiled. Akash was standing right in front of me. He was curiously looking up; searching for the thing I was looking for.

He came and sat next to me.

“You’re here early,” I said to him.

“Got off early,” he shrugged. “What were you looking for?” he asked innocently.

“Courage,” I said softly.

“For?” He gave me a knowing look.

“To tell you something that has been on my mind for quite a few days now,” I said. I handed him a small black box back. They were the earrings he gifted me. I didn’t feel like keeping them anymore. I would look at them and feel guilty for breaking his heart. I was already feeling bad.

“I was wondering when you would finally do it,” he replied. “Is this necessary?” he asked about the earrings. I nodded. I didn’t need a constant reminder. He took the earrings back apprehensively.

He knew? Was I the only one who wasn’t ready to come to terms with my current situation?

“How long have you known?” I asked.

“Since the drive back from the airport, when you came back from Singapore,” he said. “You were different. And he had disappeared and you were frantic initially and then you kept talking about all the fun you had with him and believe me there’s nothing’s wrong with having fun but there was a glow on your face when you were talking about him,” he continued. “The last few days you have been out of sorts,” he continued,” and when you mentioned the fight with Jai, I knew something was up.”

“I am sorry,” I said with guilt.

He smiled and my heart wrenched. He was being so nice and I felt like I could cry.

“It is fine, Rhea. I saw it before you did and I still hung on to you,” he said calmly. “You couldn’t help it,” he tried consoling me.

I got up abruptly and stood in front of him. “Why are you being so nice? How do you stay so calm?” Looking up at the sky I continued,” Oh God, why is he so freaking sweet?”

“You shouldn’t be consoling me. You should be yelling at me. Be angry, be irritated, be anything but this,” I said to him.

Finally after I finished ranting, I went at sat next to him. I put my head on his shoulder and locked my arm in his.

“I like you too much to actually yell at you. But it does hurt,” he replied silently. “And I was being naïve thinking that what I was seeing was a farce and you would be yourself again. I was hoping that it would work out. I didn’t want to let go,” he stopped.

“And before you apologize again I really want you to know that there are no hard feelings,” he was smiling now.

God bless him. I did apologize again after that. And twice later. I had seriously wronged this guy.

“You know I like you a lot too,” I replied. “You are the sweetest, smartest and nicest guy I know and I am going to terribly miss you,” I said as a tear rolled down my cheek.

“I tried everything in my power to not feel the way I was feeling,” I said sincerely.

“But you and I both know I am not Jai,” he said with a forced smile. “Tell him he owes me. And that he is an ass,” he said teasingly. I smiled at his effort to make this conversation light. He must be hurting. And I was the cause for his pain.

“So much for destiny, huh?” he asked smiling.

I smiled too. “Destiny,” I repeated. “Kind of sucked in our case right? I mean when I met you again I really thought that that was it. You would be the one and we would get married. We would tell everybody how we passed each other four times before and how we finally fell in love the fifth time,” I smiled imagining the scene.

“I should have snagged you the first time,” he replied teasingly. “I should have crossed over and asked you out,” he replied remembering the first time we both saw each other.

 “Or the second, third or fourth time,” I replied teasing him back.

 “I guess it just wasn’t meant to be,” he replied sighing.

“I guess,” I said. “You know I really hoped this would work out,” I said sincerely.

He smiled again this time warming my heart with his genuineness. He kissed my forehead and got up to leave. I gave him a hug and apologised again.

“You have to stop that,” he said sternly. “I want to see a smiling you when I leave,” he said warmly.

“It’s going to be difficult since I know I am the reason you are sad,” I said wryly.

“I will get over it,” he said.

Oh man. A tear rolled down my cheek. He was being such a gentleman. I had to question my heart. What did it see in Jai?

He wiped my tears and looked into my eyes,” I asked you to smile and you cry.”

I tried smiling again. It really took an effort.

“Come on, you could do better than that,” he replied laughing.

I had to smile at his laugh. “There’s the smile I was looking for,” he said while leaving. He kissed me on the cheek and left.

As I saw him walk up to his car, I knew destiny, fate, karma, kismet or whatever you may call it, had played its role in letting me know that this was going to be the last time I would be seeing him. I waved a goodbye and shut the door on this chapter of my life.

I cursed Jai for ruining everything. He was going to pay. He was going to pay the day he came around. Till that happened, I planned to immerse myself in a warm bath. Immerse myself till all the guilt faded away.