Honey and Glass

15. The Power of Madonna

We got to school early for practice and coach made us all sit down to talk to us. "Santana. What does your bracelet say?"

"W.W.M.D.," she answers.

" "What would Madonna do?" Well, the answer to that question is usually to date a younger man. So let's see some arm candy, girls. Sorry, freshmen. You're gonna have to start trolling the middle schools. And you know why? 'Cause if you want to be as riveting a performer as Madonna, a skill that will nab us nationals this year you're going to have to start thinking like her, acting like her. Also, a la Madonna I will no longer acknowledge that any of you have last names. Becky Jackson from now on, you're just Becky. You know, it's like Madonna once said "I'm tough, I'm ambitious and I know what I want. If that makes me a bitch, okay." I'm pretty sure she stole that line from one Sue Sylvester. No, really, she stole it from me. I said it first. Palladium. '87," she says. We look at each other before she calls to start warm-ups.

~

Rachel called a Glee girls meeting to talk to us about something. "Can I ask you guys something private?"

"Yes, you should move to Israel," Santana interrupted her, made me chuckle a little.

"It's about dating. Not that I'm dating anyone. We all know that Finn and I are no longer an item and for the sake of the team, I broke up with Jesse. But let's just say I was dating someone. Let's just say, hypothetically, we went to a Wiggles concert last Friday night, and then because my dads weren't home, we went up to my room and started making out. It was erotic and romantic. And then he said We should do it. What if then he got really crabby and left and didn't even take home the Care Bear I won him playing Skee Ball?" This is a very detailed hypothetical.

"Would you please stop talking? You're grossing out my baby," Quinn told her.

"I just want to be ready. I know I'm getting older and these things are gonna happen someday but how do I stop a guy from getting mad at me for saying "no"?" She asked.

"Just do what I do. Never say "No."," Santana smirked.

"Oh, totally. I mean, what's the worst that can happen?" Brittany asked. "Sorry, Quinn," she muttered.

"Look, girl, don't ask me. The last guy I liked was the mayor of Gay Town. And I can't wait to get a guy mad at me for saying "no.""

"We just have to accept that guys don't care about our feelings. Like, the other day, I was walking with Artie and he said and I quote 'I've thought a lot about it and I forgive you for lying about your stutter. However, if you're planning on getting all up on this I'm gonna need you to make some changes. The goth thing was two years ago, so maybe lose the vampire makeup and consider some tighter-fitting clothing. You've got the pow, and I believe you should work it more if we're going to be an item'," she explained, crossing her arms.

"That's got to sting," Rachel comments.

"I agree with Tina, none of them really care and you should just say no and if he gets mad blow a rape whistle, pull out some pepper spray, and never see the douche again," I shrugged. "I mean you'll lose about 75% of the planet that way, but hey then you'll finally find the nice ones."

"Hey, guys. I'm sorry to interrupt your little sorority but I couldn't help but overhearing. Are you really having that much boy trouble?" He asked like it was the most ridiculous thing on the planet.

"You wouldn't understand, Mr. Schue. You're a guy," Rachel countered, making most of us nod.

"Well, then maybe you should talk to someone else about it - like Miss Pillsbury."