Forbidden | AU

Regret

I grab my stuff and leave Brandon's house without saying a word or looking back. Once I step outside I'm greeted by a coughing Sami sitting on the steps holding a bong and a lighter

uhhhhh

We stare at each other for a second.

"Bye Sami" I say walking away as he waves back to me from a distance.

I live just about a 5 minute drive from Brandons house so it's usually just a 15 minute walk home. 

It's dark outside. There's a full moon and the stars are shinning brightly. I check my phone to look at the time, its 11:38. I sigh and look at the ground as I walk with my head hanging low. My thoughts and guilt consuming me.

"why did I have to say that? I went too far. Whatever it's not even like it's my fault, he was the one being a little bitch. But still, you don't ever say shit like that to someone regardless of the situation. I can't imagine how much I hurt him."

I feel my phone buzz and see that I got a text from someone. My eyes lit up hoping it was Brandon who texted me, but it wasn't. It was a text from Sean. 

Sean: Practice is cancelled tomorrow, there's supposed to be a storm. See you at school tho.

Cham: K thanks 

I shut my phone off and notice that I'm already about 2 minutes away from my house.

I arrive at the front of my house and pull out my house keys from my bag and unlock my front door. The house is completely silent, everyone is asleep since we all have school or work tomorrow. I silently step into my house, closing and locking the door as quietly as I can; In hopes to not wake my parents. Specifically my father. I tip-toe upstairs and make my way to my room as quietly as possible. I drop my stuff on the floor and fall into my bed.

"What do I do now. Should I text him? Do I apologize? I didn't mean to hurt him, it just came out. I'm just so confused. My whole life I've tried to push away and ignore this side of me. It's not normal. It's wrong. I grew up like this. I have to be a man. Men aren't supposed to like other men, thats just how it is. But why did Brandon have to come and fuck it all up for me. If it wasn't for him I would've been normal. I wouldn't have to live in fear and I wouldn't have to worry about "accepting" myself. This is so stupid. Am I gay? Do I actually like men? Or am I just really horny? I like to believe that I've always liked girls. I'm attracted to them, I love their bodies, their facial features, their personalities. But Brandon. He's so different, he's always had this grip on me. He's so perfect, his beautiful fluffy brown hair and his gorgeous blue eyes, his toned but slender build. He was the most perfect person I've ever laid eyes on. And I don't wanna lose him. I'm so sorry Brandon."

I woke up to the loud sound of my alarm going off, meaning it's time for school. 

I get out of bed and go to the bathroom; doing everything I have to do in there before heading back to my room. I get dressed, putting on black sweatpants and a loose grey t-shirt. I fix up my hair a bit, slide on my sneakers, grab my bag and go downstairs. Upon walking into the kitchen I see my dad having his daily breakfast, a cold beer with a side of cigarettes. I walk past him ignoring his presence completely, you could still smell last nights booze on him. I open the fridge grabbing a bottle of water. I go into the cabinet grabbing my medication. I lean against the counter while I open my water to swallow the pills. I can see my dad staring at me from the corner of my eye. I check the time and see that I have around 6 minutes to get to my bus stop. I grab a banana and my water and start walking towards the door.

"fucking faggot" 

I pause hearing those words leave his mouth. I ignore it and leave, slamming the front door. 

From a distance I see Brandons silhouette standing next to the bright red stop sign. My eyes lit up and I pick up the pace trying to get to Brandon. I finally get to the bus stop. 

"Hey Brandon"

"Fuck I hope he still isn't that pissed at me. I don't know what to say or how to even apologize after saying all that shit"

Brandon stares at me with emotionless eyes, he pulls out his phone; ignoring me.

"well fuck"

"Brandon I just wanted to say that I'm sorry for what I said and I'm sorry for what I did. It was wrong of me I know but I'm just really confused right now and I don't know what to do. I know I don't deserve it but please forgive me. I'm sorry."

"Okay" he says without looking up from his phone. 

"Brandon I'm sorry"

"Can you just leave me the fuck alone, jesus you're annoying."

I stood there completely still, his words echoing in my head for god knows how long. It hurt, it really did. But I deserve it. 

Just about 2 minutes later the bus arrives and we get on, greeted by Sean and Cole. I sat in our usually seat while Brandon goes and sits in the seat diagonally from me with Sean. 

"Okay guys, what the fuck is going on with you two?"