BLACK MOON ⍋ Remus Lupin

Chapter 145- Trust me.

"What did you want to tell me?" Remus said after everyone left and we started making our way up to bed.

"You have a letter! Like James did. Marlene thought it was addressed to her but it was addressed to you, M for Moony!" I said almost excitedly.

Remus seemed hesitant.

"Arty, is this what's been going on?" He looked at me with so much love but I just found it patronising. Why wasn't he eager to read the letter? Why was he still so focused on me?

"Remus. This isn't about me!" I almost shouted with frustration.

"I don't want to read another letter from him, darling." Remus sighed.

I felt the disappointment in me start to bubble into anger. So tired of him not taking the same amount of interest and importance in this as I was.

"Why aren't you listening to me?" I finally shouted.

He looked taken aback. Shocked at my raised voice.

"Why don't you care about him? About any of this?!" I shouted again.

Remus sighed and sat down at the end of the bed defeatedly.

"If I care, then I have to feel it. I'll have to think about it and I don't want to." He said bluntly.

My shoulders dropped and my anger was simply replaced by a heavy disappointment once again.

"Whether you want to see it or not Arty, Sirius is not okay." Remus said, staring at me.
"And to be honest, I don't think you are at the moment either."

"What's that supposed to mean?" I said defensively.

Remus looked at me worriedly, his eyes still full with love and good intentions but it just wasn't sitting comfortably with me.

"You're talking in your sleep. You're so stressed, obsessing over these letters and proving a point. Putting yourself at risk of harm. Sirius is obviously going through something right now... after Reg yanno, and trying to make sense of a madman's scribbling will also drive you to the same point..." he tried to say carefully.

"You're not understanding." I said almost at the verge of tears.

"No I get it, I really do. Peter's been pissing me off lately as well. I can see he's not the same, I really can! I can see why he isn't the best to be around." He begun and I spike of hope shot through me only to be shot back down again,
"But he's not putting you at risk. Sirius is."

I collapsed onto the chair to my dressing table

"Maybe he doesn't like you, and for that I don't know why and I'm sorry it makes you so uncomfortable. It's why I've stopped inviting him around so regularly but being annoying isn't a crime."

I rested my face in my hands and attempted not to cry.

"What do you want me to do about all this? What can I do to make this easier for you? Do you want me to just cut all contact with Peter?" Remus said softly and genuinely.

"I want you to trust me." I said muffled.

"I do trust you, sweetheart." He said sadly.

"But you don't believe me!" I said finally looking up at him.

"I'm really trying to."

"So what's stopping you?"

"I don't trust Sirius anymore. You can't prove his worth to me, for him. So you just need to stop. It's upsetting me." He admitted.

My eyes softened with sadness.

"Arty, baby...he's been pushing us all away for a long time now. We're adults. I'm tired of the childish game of back and forth. Are we going to be friends this time? Are we not? I'm not playing it anymore." He explained, coming over behind me and placing his hands on my shoulders slowly rubbing them.
"I really value how much you're willing to give him another chance to prove himself. I do."