The Good Old Days

March 2008 (Lies)

Daisy was doing some spring cleaning around the house while Lily was at one of her friend's houses. Adam was downstairs working on some paperwork for one of his clients. She had just got done vacuuming the bedroom, but had forgotten to get under the bed.

She got down on her hands and knees and started pulling some stuff out. She opened boxes to see if anything could be thrown out. Most of the stuff was just junk, and some clothes that were being stored. Then she came across a small box she didn't remember putting there. It was on Adam's side of the bed, near the nightstand.

When she opened the box, she saw a pill bottle. Adam wasn't on any meds that she knew of. She picked up the bottle, which was about half full, and it had a refill date on it, which was a couple weeks from then. She recognized the name as a well-known antidepressant.

"Adam!" She called down, "Can you come up here?"

She heard his paw steps running up the stairs a few seconds later. He entered the bedroom.

"What's wrong?" Adam asked. Then he noticed the bottle in her hand, "Oh..."

"Why didn't you tell me...?" She asked.

"I didn't want you to worry about me," he told her, "It's not a big deal."

"Big enough for you to be on pills for it!" She yelled, "Adam, you know you can tell me these things..."

"I know, I know..." he sighed, "I wanted to tell you, I just didn't want you to stress about it..."

"How long has it been happening?" She asked.

"It started again about a year ago," he admitted, "Out of the blue... "

She threw the bottle on the bed and went over and hugged him.

"Please," she said, "Please tell me when you're upset... I'll do anything to help you..."

"Daisy," he said, "I'll be alright... I promise. The pills have been working."

"You swear on that?" She asked, noticing he was avoiding eye contact.

"Yes," he said without hesitation.

"Please talk to me if you need to," she said, brushing her hand over his cheek, "I know you can beat it."

"I will," he replied, kissing her on the forehead, "Now I gotta go back downstairs and finish that thing for work."

"Okay..." Daisy said, letting go of him, "I'll put the pills in the medicine cabinet."

Adam nodded and walked back down the stairs.

He fought back tears as he walked into his home office and shut the door. He couldn't stand the fact he had just lied to Daisy. He sat down and began crying. The pills were useless to him, but he kept taking them. He knew they wouldn't work, but he had to try.

 The thoughts in the last year had gotten worse and worse. He hated himself. He hated his life, and he didn't know why. He loved his wife and daughter, more than anything else in the world. He did his best to put a happy face on for them every day, to make sure they were happy. By all accounts, his life was perfect. He had everything anyone else could want.

Still, that didn't stop himself from wishing he was dead. He just wanted to be free of his own mind tormenting him every night. Every time he looked at Lily, he felt happy. Every time he looked at Daisy, he felt happy. Still, the feeling that he wasn't enough for them overtook his mind.

As far as Adam was concerned, they deserved better than him.