My Tears Used To Drown Me, But They Helped Me Swim...

Chapter 13 ~ There's something I need to tell you.

*Star's POV*

It's been a month since we went swimming. It's been 6 weeks since I went missing to everyone else on the planet apart from the people who have to put up with me.

Dan and Phil are out, and I'm sat in front of the tripod, contemplating whether or not to press record. After 5 minutes of my mind dragging me into a deeper mess than I'm already in, I press record.

"Hello my children" I start off with, knowing this is going to be a long video.

"I've got alot to explain, so this is going to be a long video. For 3 years now I've been suffering from depression. Many things have spiralled off and I also suffering from anxiety and panic attacks and I have an eating disorder. I also have had many trips to the hospital due to self harm."

I pause trying to compose myself for what I'm about to say.

"I'm not going into any details on why I'm like this or any back stories because that's my personal problems and you can't be dragged into those as well as what I'm telling you now."

"This is what feels like the end for me. I'm 16 next week and it's feels like I can't make it there. I don't see a future for myself. Just because I'm leaving doesn't mean I'm not grateful for everything. I'm so grateful for my mum buying me a camera when I was 13 and I was just a sad little girl mucking around with the record button."

"I want to be more grateful but I'm not. When I do meet ups I don't get butterflies like other YouTuber's I know do. It just seems like a normal day when I go to Playlist or Summer In The City. Most people don't realise how grateful I am but I want to be more grateful."

I pause, tears spilling down my cheeks while I try to compose myself.

"The internet has done so much for me. I met Dan and Phil, and that's who I've been staying with. I've met Chris and Pj and so many British and American and Australian YouTuber's and not to mention so many of you guys."

"This is going to be my last video on this channel. I'm not quitting YouTube, I'm quitting at being me. I'm sorry so many of you have found out all of this about me in my last hours but I want you all to know that I love you all so much."

"This is Star O'Toole signing off for the last time. I hope you can all enjoy your life's more that I did. I love all of you. Goodbye." I say clicking the stop button.

I don't need to edit this video and just before it's about to upload I get and text from Dan saying he'll be 15 minutes.

The video uploads which sends an automatic link to my Facebook and Twitter.

I stand up, walk into the bathroom abd start crying. I cry for Dan and Phil who will find my lifeless body. I cry for my Mother and Father who genuinely loved me. I cry for myself, telling myself not to do it but I know deep down that I'm going to die in the next 15 minutes. I cry for everyone who's ever tried to help me because I knew inside it wouldn't work. But I cry for my best friend who will find out from Dan and Phil and a YouTube video that I've been wanting to end my life for too long now.

I slide down against the bath and get ready for death.

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*Dan's POV*

I text Star telling her we will be home in 15 minutes. It's her birthday next week and I've got her an early surprise.

My phone vibrates in my pocket and I pull is out to see I have a notification that Star's tweeted something. I see Phil pull out his phone as see the same thing I'm seeing. For a couple seconds I don't think it's anything until I get a text from Tyler Oakley.

Tyler - Dan, you need to check on Star now! It's important.

I stare over at Phil who's face has gone the colour of chalk.

"We need to get home now!" He says breaking out into a run.

It's a 10 minute walk from were we are I don't see why we have to run I think to myself, until I see Star's tweet. It's a new video. I click on the link and read the comments;

Please don't go!!

I love you so much

You've kept me alive please don't do this!

No, this can't be happening, not now, I can't fucking lose that girl.

I break into a sprint catching up to Phil by the time we get to the apartment. I open the door and dump the stuff I got in town, and run frantically around the apartment, trying to find her. I walk into the bathroom and crumble to the floor. There she is, my baby, blood pooling at her wrists from the six deep cuts on her arms.

"PHIL CALL A FUCKING AMBULANCE!!" I scream, tears rolling down my face. "AND A BUNCH OF TOWELS!!" My throat is going dry and I can't breathe.

Just holding Star whispering to her it was ok in her few last minutes of being awake was the the most painful thing I've ever had to do. The ride to the hospital wasn't as bad because they said they could save her and she'd be ok, but it was just holding her and pressing down on her wrists making sure she didn't bleed to death was the most painful thing.

The wait in the hospital was silent. The fantastic five sat in the waiting room waiting for their Star to shine again...

*Please don't shoot me! I know that chapter was horrible but it's part of the story and it had to happen sooner or later for the story to continue and unfold. I'll update soon. Bye guys

Dais out >.<*