After the Rain- Josh Kiszka

Chapter 9- Debrief

When we arrived at our apartment complex, Teagan bid Chris goodnight, as he and Mikey made their way to their unit, while she came back with me to mine. 

I unlocked the door and dropped my keys in the bowl on the kitchen table as I entered the apartment. I made my way to the nursery and peeked in to see Lina, sound asleep in her crib, and I checked on Millie as well, who was also fast asleep in my bed.

Teagan pulled out the pull-out couch in my living room as I grabbed extra linens in the hall closet. It was always nice to have sleepovers with Teagan, she felt like home and it always brought me back to our life in college, when times were simpler. Right now, I needed the company more than ever.

We made the bed up and Teagan plopped down onto it, sprawling out her arms and legs dramatically. 

"Well, tonight was fun." she remarked sarcastically.

"Such an understatement" I replied facetiously, letting it all sink. "Mikey made everything so inorganic with his outbursts, he was acting like such a child."

"I know, he was pretty drunk. That doesn't excuse his actions though, believe me I let him know it too."

"Yeah, I've been dying to know what were you saying to him, what happened outside the car?" I asked, my curiosity practically radiating off of me.

"Well, before we went to their dressing room, I was scolding him for giving a slight attitude about the rose. And, because at that point I knew that Josh from Greta Van Fleet is THE Josh, as in your Josh, I told him to quit the flirting because it wasn't a date."

"Ohhhh wow, so it took you seeing my estranged baby daddy to emphasize the fact that what was going on between Mikey and I was not a date... I see how it is." I teased, rolling my eyes.

"Come onnnn, it's not my fault, I thought you guys were vibing. And, I maybe, sort of, kind of hoped that you'd change your mind about him after hanging out together for the night, so I didn't want to interfere." She protested, her hands held up in mock defense. 

"Yeah, well, after tonight it's safe to say that I'm standing firm with my initial opinion on the matter."

"I'm right there with you, Celi. He's a total dick. After we left, when the two of us were talking outside the car, he wasn't even sympathetic when I told him why it was such a sensitive topic." 

"What?!"

"What..."

"Wait. Teagan, please don't tell me you told him the truth about Josh." I groaned, burying my face in my hands. I had already known the answer to the question.

"Oh God, Celine. I'm so sorry, I— I wasn't thinking straight. I thought it would help."

"Yeah that, OR he could tell Josh that I conceived a child with him because they were practically childhood friends! I don't need Josh knowing that, let alone hearing it from anyone other than myself."

"Celine, I'm sorry, I-I seriously thought it would help! Mikey is usually reasonable, and knowing that information would lead him to act accordingly. I figured he'd back off and let you do your own thing. Plus, I don't think he knows Josh all that well, Danny is his friend."

"It's all the same!" I exclaimed in defeat. I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, as I felt my eyes sting.

"Oh no. No, no, no. Pleaseee don't cry." she pleaded, scooting closer to me on the couch. "I'm sorry, Celine. I'm an idiot. I hope you're not mad."

I huffed and looked up to the ceiling, clearing the tears that had begun to form. 

"Teagan, I'm not mad. It's just... when you first told me that Mikey had feelings for me I was scared, I didn't allow myself to have any sort of feelings about it because I thought that it would be what was best for everyone. It's been years since I've been in a relationship, and now being a mom I just didn't think I could handle it," I began, shedding light on some of my internal turmoil.

"Celine, you can't be alone forever." Teagan interjected. 

Those words stopped me in my tracks and rang in my ears. 

She's right. 

I was constantly holding myself back. Venting to Teagan wouldn't fix any of this, I had to say these words where they would matter.

"I'll be back."

"Wait, Celine where are you going?"

I left without giving an answer so that she wouldn't be able to stop me from what I was about to do.

***

I stood in front of the door and not hesitating to knock; however I did so in a way that would not wake anyone up considering the hour that it was.

After a few seconds, I heard shuffling from behind the door, and it opened a crack to reveal a confused Mikey on the other side of it.

"Celine, what are you doing here?" He asked, seemingly concerned, as he opened the door wider to address me fully.

"Can I talk to you?"

"Could it wait until the morning. It's late, you should get to bed."

"No. You don't get to tell me what I should or shouldn't do, especially after the way you treated me tonight."

He raised a skeptical eyebrow and gestured for me to speak.

"Listen, I know you had wanted tonight to be a date, and going into it I wanted it to be the exact opposite. Not, because I wasn't interested, I just— I was scared. It's been a long time since I've last dated someone and with everything I have on my plate right now, I didn't think I would be able to handle it," I expressed, reciting what I had recently confessed to Teagan.

He nodded, engaged, which was a relief. I saw my friend, Mikey, and not the asshole version of him I had met a few short hours ago.

"And then tonight, when we went out, I had a really great time with you. I hadn't had that much fun in ages, and you reminded me that I'm still young and I need to stop limiting myself because of my own anxieties. In that moment I thought, that I liked you, you're handsome, caring, and fun. But, then, all of that changed and I saw a side of you that left a bad taste in my mouth."

He shook his head in what appeared to be disappointment, as he ran a hand through his hair.

"Regardless of the circumstances, what you did was just plain mean. I had been nothing but nice to you and you went and ruined what had been a perfect night." I fibbed, almost perfect, before the shock of being face to face with Josh.

"Celine, I know I feel like such a jerk. Teagan told me—"

"Teagan shouldn't have had to tell you anything for you to realize what you did was wrong. Jealousy doesn't look good on you Mikey."

"I know, and I'm sorry. It's okay if you don't forgive me, but I want you to know that I plan on being the guy you need until you do. How can I make it up to you?" 

I sighed, not wanting to stay mad at someone who was one of my best friends, all feelings aside. "Don't mention Lina to the Greta boys, please." I pleaded. "My life is complicated enough as it is. What they don't know won't hurt them."

"I promise." He said in a way that made me believe him for the time being.

"Thank you." I breathed out in relief. 

He wrapped me in a hug and I melted into him, hoping that this meant things would return to the way they were previously.