The Secret (Boston's Best 1)

Chapter Sixty-Four

Maddie

Fuck.

Fuck.

Fuck.

I can't do this.

I cannot stand the pity. The faces of both strangers and people that know me so well, all staring up at me and looking at me like I was a broken doll.

I was hurt back then. I went through something no one should ever have to. But I did and I survived it, and I'm stronger now.

Hell, I didn't even let Riley or my mam come to this thing because I didn't want them to have to relive what all of this has put them through and is still putting them through.

I run straight out of the hotel and run around Dublin City like I know it like the back of my hand –which I don't, I know Grafton Street and O'Connell Street and that's the extent of my knowledge of the city.

But I run like a crazy person running late for the Luas but I haven't got a clue where I'm going.

If I was going to guess then I'd say I ran for over thirty minutes before I stop.

And I only stop because I see a small beach.

Beaches have always been my favourite places to go in the whole world.

No matter where I was or what I was doing, it didn't matter, because nothing would ever compare to sitting in the sand dunes or on the sand watching the tide roll in and out for hours on end with no one around.

Most people will just go to the beach in the summer but personally I'm a winter type of beach girl. Walking on the wet sand in an oversized jumper and the wind blowing your hair in your face and freezing but not caring, and with next to no people on it? Heaven. My type of heaven.

And dad would always bring mam, Riley, and me down to the beach near where we lived at minimum once a month. So, that's probably another reason why I love it so much.

Even though it's the middle of July, it's not warm out today –which is not unusual for the country that we're in– so there aren't that many people out today.

And thank god for that, because the second I run onto the beach I sink onto the sand and just break open.

I sob uncontrollably for at least ten minutes to the point of embarrassment even though not one other person is around.

Once I calm down a little bit, what just happened sinks in. I can't believe I just did that.

I can't believe I just ran out!

I was doing so well up until everyone started shouting out questions at me. I don't think I realised up until that moment that this was an actual RTÉ news interview and that there would be real reporters there to ask me real reporter questions because I'm the news story of the week.

It freaked me out because for a moment there I'd forgotten about all of it and it just felt like I was just talking to Matt or Aebhín or Alex, just a friend. But it felt like I was being attacked by vultures, much like what my last few days of school here felt like.

I sit in the sand just listening to the sound of the waves and feeling the cold Irish air blow across my face for probably twenty minutes before I feel someone sit down beside me.

I lift my head off from where it's been buried in my knees and look to my right, and low and behold, Matt is sitting beside me.

"How'd you find me?" I croak.

He smiles and lifts his phone up. "I shared your location with me after the protest, remember?"

I nod, "Right."