✅ My Sister's Problem

85. The Worst Part

Author's Note: This chapter should have been posted on August 22nd. Now it's just after midnight on the 24th. I think that might be the first day in more than 2 years that I haven't posted at least one chapter, and I'm really sorry about that. I've really been struggling over the last couple of months, and it just seems to be getting worse. But I'll keep on trying my best to catch up with my regular posting schedule, and to get my mental health back to a place where I can keep writing. Thank you all for your patience.

The milkshake turned out to be really nice, and I could let myself laugh a little as I drank it. Mum had poured it into a sippy cup for me, and while that had seemed strange at first, I guessed that in a way it was just helping me to get into the role a little more deeply. Mum was talking to me as if I were a little kid most of the time, and Lindy was acting like I imagined a mean big sister might. So if I acted like a child but stayed quiet, perhaps all the bystanders might not even notice that anything weird was happening. If I played along with the punishment I would probably attract less attention, and we could get back to the beach house with my sanity a little less broken.

By the time I was halfway through the milkshake, I realised that I really needed the bathroom. But I was supposed to be a little kid; was I allowed to ask? I hesitated for too many minutes, just not knowing how I was allowed to behave. But before too long, I knew that I had to say something.

"Are you okay, honey?" Mum asked when I put my cup down, and that made it so much easier to ask.

"I... uhh... I gotta go potty." I tried to make myself sound like a little kid. Both to escape the notice of any strangers, and because I figured that she was less likely to tell me to wait if I made a show of playing up the role. If I was doing the things I was supposed to do, maybe Mum would be a little more lenient. I knew that was probably wishful thinking if Lindy was the one making the decision, but I hoped that she wouldn't choose to interfere today. All I had to do was play up being a little kid, and Mum couldn't be mad at me for speaking up.

Lindy was laughing. That didn't bode well.

"Ohh, does my baby need a diaper change?" Mum asked, and then without waiting for a response she reached over to check for herself. She wasn't really surprised that the thick padding was still dry, but the act still made me cringe. "I think you're okay for now, baby. But if you're getting uncomfortable I can take you for a change after we finish our snacks. Okay? And if you're just feeling peopled out, like this trip has been a little too much for you, then just let me know and you can take a little nap. Okay?"

"I need to pee!" I whispered, hoping that I could convey some of my urgency. "Please, I can just be a big girl for a couple of minutes?"

"Don't worry, that's what your diaper is for. We all know you won't hold it long enough to get to the bathroom, not today, so it's not something to give up your drink for, is it? Just relax a little, okay? Can you stop worrying, or do you need some chimes to help take your mind off it?"

"I can't!" I hissed, keeping my voice down as low as I dared now, knowing that if anyone overheard they would know that our conversation wasn't quite normal. "There's people all around! I'm sorry, I'm trying to be a good baby, but that's too much. I can't do it. So please..."

"Too embarrassed? Okay, I won't push you too much. But we've got these drinks here, and a couple of little cakes as well. Do you think you can try to wait while we eat? And then when we've finished, if you manage to hold it that long, I can try to help you."

I nodded slowly. It wasn't going to be the most comfortable experience, but I was prepared to wait. I continued with my drink, and enjoyed a couple of fondant fancies. While I was a little kid, I decided to try to eat them from the bottom, and lick the creamy stuff out before eating the icing. Normally I think Mum would have told me not to play with my food if I tried to do something like that, but I was just a baby today. If there was an upside to that, it had to be that I could get away with a little more messing about. And I think Mum was treating me just a little; the little cakes came in three colours, but she gave me all the yellow ones, my favourite, while she shared the pink and chocolate ones with Lindy. I didn't know if I should feel guilty about that; but I took it as a sign that she was starting to worry about me.

I could see when I looked at Mum, even if she was smiling, that she was concerned. She thought that this punishment might have been too extreme, and she was having second thoughts now; but at the same time, she didn't want to be seen stepping back. Given Lindy's behaviour recently, and what she thought I had done, I could understand that she wouldn't want us to think we could escape discipline so easily. I wanted to tell her that it wasn't really that bad, and that it was only bothering me because there were people around. But somewhere in the back of my mind I hesitated, wondering if that would just push her to make the punishment a little harsher when we got home. I didn't know what I could really say, so I said nothing.

The cakes were nice, and the milkshakes were wonderful, but by the time we had finished eating I was squirming in my seat. Thankfully Mum had vetoed Lindy's idea of asking for a high chair for me; that would just have made my situation more obvious to the staff who were serving us. But it turned out that the stroller could fold a little, raising my seat so that I was still sitting in what felt like a baby seat, while Mum put my food and drinks on the little table in front of me. I was glad that she let me eat by myself this time; I wouldn't have coped with someone feeding me in front of so many strangers. And I was kind of glad for the stroller, because it meant there was no humiliating ordeal of being strapped in again.

Looking for the silver linings was hard at times, but when I could see them it made the experience feel like a fun game. And sometimes, for a moment, it was almost enough to distract me from the pressure in my bladder. It was getting pretty urgent now, and I hoped that Mum would finish her coffee soon so that we could go. For a moment, I actually thought about wetting myself. As gross as I was supposed to find the idea, I knew that I was already wearing a diaper, and it hadn't felt so bad all the times that I hadn't been given the choice. Could I just convince myself to let go? I didn't know if I could, and I wasn't sure that I really wanted to even as it started to get painful. But I tried to let go; closing my eyes and imagining that I was in the bathroom, just like when Lindy had blackmailed me into using my diaper. But the conversations of all the people around us were too distracting. It was impossible to imagine that I was alone, and whether I wanted to do it or not I couldn't force my body to cooperate. I had to keep on sitting there, shifting position every few seconds as I tried to find a comfortable position.

"I think we're almost done now," Mum's voice jolted me out of my imagination. "Want another look round before we head home? Anything we still need to look at?"

I shook my head, but I didn't open my eyes yet. I didn't care about shopping now, I just wanted some relief.

"Oh, Sally, are you okay? Do you still need to pee? Do you need me to help you?"

Another nod. It was the only reply I could think of. I was at a point now where the discomfort was really challenging my embarrassment, and I would have been happy just to have an accident if it could make this end. That probably wasn't how they wanted me to be feeling, but I didn't know what I should say now. I could hope that Mum would let me use the bathroom, but I already knew that was unlikely. And I wasn't entirely surprised when I heard the sound of recorded wind chimes. All at once, I remembered the dream of being in the woods, my hand dipped in the water, and realising I was too small to hold it. My bladder emptied, and all the worries faded away.

I was wetting myself in a room with hundreds of strangers, just like a real baby. I had no idea if Mum was going to change my diaper, take me home, or push me around the store while we looked at all the other things for sale. She could do anything; I didn't have any input now. And I knew that I would be more embarrassed than ever before when I had time to think about that. But right now the feeling of relief was even stronger than the desperation had been, and the only option for the immediate future was to let my heavy eyelids close and take a nap, just like a little baby.