✅ My Sister's Problem

97. Tears and Laughter

"Mommy!" I protested and she untangled me from the last of the stroller's straps. "I did a weewee!"

"Oh dear," she said, and I thought I could detect the edge of a smirk on her face. "Don't worry, you're just a little baby, you can't help it." I blushed so hard when she patted me on the head; and even more when she produced a set of reins which could apparently clip onto the back of my dress to stop me running away. She was treating me just like a baby now, and the more I tried to ignore those feelings, the more I was blushing.

"You made me..." I started, and then buried my head in my hands. I wanted to say it was only her fault, because she made me have an accident. But I knew that was just part of my punishment. And in the babyish mindset that seemed to last several minutes whenever she said those words, it was hard to believe that. Because I knew that I was just a baby, and I knew that babies couldn't hold it at all. It was all so exciting, and not knowing what they had planned for me just made it all the more intense.

"Oh, sweetie," Mum knelt down and fussed over me, while Lindy laughed at my predicament. And when my sister was having so much fun, I couldn't help laughing too. "You don't mind being a baby, do you? You aren't big enough to get embarrassed yet, so you've got all of that to look forward to when you grow up a bit. But for now, would you like to keep on feeling like a little one, so you don't need to worry about those grown-up thoughts?"

I nodded to that without even thinking. I didn't quite know what was going on, but I knew that I wouldn't have to worry or be embarrassed until I stopped feeling like a baby. So I could keep on playing, and I wouldn't have to feel anything bad.

"That's a bit cruel," Lindy chuckled, and I laughed along with her. It was so easy to enjoy myself when I didn't need to understand any of the things that were happening. "Are you going to do some of the other things?"

"You think I should?" Mommy asked, and then I started getting a little bit nervous again. But I reminded myself that I didn't need to worry, and Mommy would look after everything for me. I was just a little baby, and there was nothing to be scared of. Even if Lindy wanted to embarrass me, I could just make it a game and pretend that I didn't mind. I wouldn't have to think at all about how humiliating it was until I got home and remembered what I had done with all these people around me; imagining them staring, and knowing that I really couldn't help myself. But as soon as I started to think about it, the fear was pouring into my mind, the adult thoughts coming back so that I knew how embarrassed I was supposed to be. I started to breathe faster, and tried to hide my face from the crowds, fighting not to cry again. The devil on my shoulder was yelling that everybody must think I was some kind of freak, and how could I ever enjoy feeling like this.

Lindy said something and laughed again, and I could tell now that she was laughing at me, not with me. I backed away again, raised my arms to shield my face, and automatically tried to make myself as small as possible.

Mum clutched my hand and squeezed tight, a silent signal to let me know she was here with me. Nothing had happened, nothing had changed. Nobody was looking at me any differently, compared to two minutes before. It was just that I was grown-up enough to think about it. So I had a choice; I could let my adult thoughts come back and find myself panicking about how much I had humiliated myself in front of all these strangers, or I could think like a baby and not notice until we got home. It would hit me hard in that case, but it wouldn't be now. And as much as I wanted to tell myself that it would be degrading, or humiliating, I knew that it would be worth it. If nothing else, I wouldn't miss my chance to check out the twine museum again.

"Are you okay, baby?" Mum asked.

"I'm embarrassed," I said. "I can't... I don't want to spoil the trip for you two. I can... put it off? 'Til later?"