Rainy Days

Love, Rain.

Notice: Rains story started when she was 16 (Esra was 13), Esra's story started when she was 16!!! This chapter is a time skip of 3 years and where Esra's story began.

(Rain is 3 years older than Esra. Sorry for the confusion!)

I was gradually starting to recover from everything and I was starting to slowly learn what happiness and love is. What happened 3 years ago still baffles me to this day, it turns out Yunho's mother Kang Siyeon was the best detective from the whole state of California, she was apparently hired by the local police department and child services when the noise complaints and suspicions of an abusive parent started flooding in. They started investigating my case 2 months before I got rescued by the group, the day Yunho and Nana picked me up was also the day that the police, child services arrested my mother for child abuse, use of illegal substances, living in unregistered property and stealing. She got 20 years of jail and 200 hours of community service, so in other words she's not getting out for a long time. 

Since I don't know who my father is, I was almost sent to an orphanage, then Yunho's mom stepped in and she didn't hesitate to back me up and take me into her home, I remember crying from happiness in the court room when she spurted out those words. I still thank her everyday for adopting me into this loving family, everybody in the band accepted me right away and did everything to make me happy, although not much was needed, just them being themselves around me and making me laugh is enough for me. They all taught me about life, how to enjoy, how to accept, and how to be yourself around new people. They also introduced me to the world of music. Nana the insanely talented vocalist of their band HEARTBACK taught me how to use my voice, Mila is an absolute monster on her guitar and so she taught me everything she knew, Yunho taught me the basics of rhythm and tempo and even taught me a different language and his sister Yijin is helping me with school and thanks to her I am one of the best students of my class.

I'm currently in my edgy phase, I cut off half my hair and bleached it and as I started getting comfortable with my body I began wearing revealing outfits, I started living a healthy lifestyle, food with a lot of carbs so I could regain fat, working out with everybody. I started seeing lights and colors, not gray tints and shadows and I was truly happy until I go to sleep at night. The nightmares aren't stopping and I get physically effected by them sometimes by waking up in the middle of the night grabbing my own throat and gasping for air. Sometimes I even let out bloodcurdling screams without being aware of it. The whole Kang family, Siyeon, Yijin, Yunho's sister and Yunho himself come rushing into my room and comfort me in every way possible, Yunho takes me on midnight trips around San Francisco on those nights, the speed of his bike combined with the view and the smell of the city air makes me feel euphoric. Playing guitar and singing alongside HEARTBACK on stage makes me feel so good, getting the recognition I never had as a little girl felt refreshing. Besides my nightmares, my recurring dreams are getting stranger and more realistic every time I have them.

 I keep seeing a girl, she has ash blonde hair in 2 side ponytails and she has a beautiful face, freckles and such unique grey eyes, she's sometimes dressed neatly but most of the time she's dressed colorful and revealing. Every time she looks into my eyes my heart feels warm, at peace and like my life is complete. The people around me were always happy and laughing and so was she, sometimes when I look into her eyes and we held hands I could see faint memories I had with her, but only for a split second before everything cut off to black. 

As soon as everything went to black my nightmares of my life with mother started kicking in. I only have dreams about that pretty girl every once in a while, the dreams are very mysterious for me, I can only describe it as an itch you can't quite scratch, its annoying me more and more by the day. I never told anybody about the dreams and I don't plan on doing that, I only tell my family about the nightmares, it was necessary to do so because they were so severe and now i'm getting medication for them so my mind can rest easily, it's side effects are a downside unfortunately. I become moody and aggressive easily and I can become extremely tired the next minute, sometimes I even slept for a day straight because the medication was so strong. But except for this last part of this entry, I am 18 turning 19 soon, everything is looking good in my life and I'm becoming happy and I have a bright future up ahead. Signing off.

Love, Rain