Rainy Days

What Does It Mean? (Rain)

Throughout the day Han, Ella and Esra and me were hanging out, we went to a cute cafe after our last lecture, and I couldn't stop looking at her. Every time I looked at her mesmerizing face I noticed the features that I didn't see yet. She had me in a dream like daze for the whole day, and it was too obvious that I was stunned by her, Ella and Han made jokes about how I was "eye fucking" her when I looked at her, when they mentioned it I could see that she would hide behind her hair and was looking down, almost as if she was hiding her face out of embarrassment. 

It was really cute and it made me giggle a bit. I couldn't understand that she would ooze of such a charming and gentle aura, I sound like I'm her secret admirer or something, and it creeps me out a little. Something about attracts me to her, I have no idea. When I first saw her, I could've sworn that my vision flashed to white and I saw the girl with beautiful ash blonde hair that I've been seeing in my dreams ever so often, I felt a minor sting in my head the second it happened but I ignored it. 

I was never the type to get interested in somebody that fast, as a matter of fact I never had a serious relationship with anybody ever, I never felt attracted to anybody. Nana and Mila even consulted me about the fact that I could maybe not be attracted to the opposite gender. I never really saw two girls together, nor did I really consider it as normal in my head because I didn't grow up with people like that and never really got educated on that. But when I went to pay close attention to people around me I realized that it was not uncommon to see same sex couples. I didn't think it was very necessary to put a label on myself and I never really gave much thought about it after that, well that was until this very moment.

Wait...my heart, my heart, my head..what's going on? My legs are shaking and my vision is becoming a little blurred, "Oh no is my medication not working properly?! Shit I don't have it with me right now!" I felt something fall onto my hand that was resting on the table, it was a tear, soon another tear followed and my heart felt more heavy than before. 

"Hey...Blue are you okay? Why are you suddenly tearing up? Do you need anything?"

"I-I'm fine...I don't need anything...., fuck my head hurts and my chest feels tight, my heart aches..."

Han's expression changed, he wanted to say something but he was cut off by Ella's panicking voice

"Esra what's wrong why are you crying?! Do you need water?!"

Ella was scared I could tell.
She was snickering and wiping her tears away in the most adorable way possible
"M-my heart...my heart it stings, so much...I-I d-don't know why I'm crying..."
Slowly lifted her head, tucking a strand of her pretty pink hair behind her ear.

She locked her beautiful teary grey eyes with mine, not to sound sadistic but damn that face. At that very moment my heart felt relieved and lighter, and I felt warmth, a lot of warmth. She blinked and focused her eyes on me again."Hehe, I 'm sorry"

Why is it that my heart feels relieved when I look at her? Perhaps I am just desperate for a relationship?