Rainy Days

Life Update (Esra)

I'm beyond happy at this very moment, I am living life how I wanted it. But I know I can't always be happy, I sometimes do get sad because I miss my big brother a lot. I feel so guilty not contacting him for almost half a year, he didn't do anything wrong and blessed me with happy memories back at home for the last few years, but I just can't risk it. I still get a few panic attacks here and there, sometimes they lead to seizures, but uncle came up with a solution to get me a dog that's specially trained to sense panic attacks and seizures. It calmed down since last month though. Today I finally got to enter the university I've been striving for since the last years. The last 2 years I got the chance to work at Brighton Company alongside the best architects in the state, I learnt a lot and it increased my chances to get into university.

I put in some effort to look nice, my makeup was minimal and my outfit was a neat top and casual pants and my trusty converse, as I entered the hallway I was overwhelmed with happiness. It felt like I was in a place where I was meant to go, I was excited to meet new people and to really study for becoming an architect, I am really looking forward to what this university can give me.

The one thing I'm getting worried about since the last 3 weeks is the dreams I've been getting, the scarily realistic dreams.

The dreams are about the girl with pink hair and punk style clothing. She's so pretty and every time our hands intertwine I feel euphoric, I feel love and warmth, sincerity and happiness from her touch, I feel it through her touch right in my own heart. It's only me and her, holding hands and watching the stars and singing our hearts out, and even though I know it's a dream, it feels so damn real...as if I have known her for so long. Yet sometimes when I look deeply into her ocean blue eyes I start tearing up. I lean on her shoulder and she hugs me and sings to me so softly and kisses my head.

Then everything flashes to black.

I hear screams and 2 gunshots and I feel a warm liquid running down my arms.

Then...nothing, I wake up with tears in my eyes.

I keep thinking about the strangely detailed dream and it got me more and more curious. No matter how smart I am and how much I try my best to figure out what the dreams mean, I can't grasp it, no matter how close I am to scratch the surface of it, I can't reach it. I decided not to tell my care taker and uncle Charles, I don't want to raise suspicion for no reason, maybe it's simply a method of my brain trying to forget the terrible things I witnessed. It doesn't really matter anyway because the recurring dream is so beautiful and I keep wanting to feel it more and more and more, I want to feel her touch, so I could feel her warmth and love resonating in my own heart.