Hating Loving you

~ 7 ~

There, you finally admitted it. Did it feel good? Yes. Did it also felt like the worst decision of your life? Yes. 

You kept your eyes closed, not wanting to meet Loki's probably mocking gaze. If he fired maids for a tea too cold, what will he do to you? You couldn't believe that just a bit of teasing and intimidation made you confess your feelings that fast. He owned so much power over you, and yet he had barely aknowledged you. It was pathetic.
You could hear your heart rambling in your chest, the room  completely silent was suddenly filled by a dry, bitter laugh.

L: feelings for the heartless monster your sister wants dead so badly?

He looked at your closed eyes, pure pain in them. Yes, he knew who she was since the moment that  you denied it. He read her mind- but it was funnier to see you struggle and to punish you. 
Loki couldn't quite understand how you could have feelings for him. It seemed... impossible. Surreal. Wrong. No one was supposed to love him- to even care or pity him. No one could be this desperate to enjoy his company or cold facade. No one was bad enough for him- he wasn't worthy of any love. At least in his mind. How could someone who killed, tortured and was broken be able to love? To feel loved? 

You snapped your eyes open, not believing that he knew who the prisoner was from the beginning. Ah, liar and trickster God-

-She doesn't understand.

You said quietly, searching for his eyes. All pain or sorrow in them was gone, replaced by that same bored and cold gaze. If a look could kill, that must be this one.

-I-I don't think that you're a monster. Misunderstood, with a tortured and abused soul, yes.

L: And  how can you possibly know that?

He slighty narrowed his eyes, and you swore you heard annoyance in his voice. Maybe because you were right. He sat up, his back on the wall, and looked in front of him.

-I know how to observe. And I heard stories about the All Father and the way he treated you.

You remained still, on your back. You locked your hands on your belly and looked up at the ceiling. He didn't say that he loved you back... And nothing in his behavior was letting you know that he did. 

-I understand you. 

L: and what now? You want me to hug you and thank you for understanding me? Because I won't.

His words felt like a sharp blade, cutting right into your heart. You knew that nothing, and no one would ever be able to stitch up the wound  he just created. You held back your tears, not wanting to give him any kind of satisfaction. Perhaps it was all his game. A bored king make a naive maid fall for him and once he's bored again, he throws her away. That wouldn't be new. How silly of you to think that you stood the smallest chance- you knew that you'd hate yourself forever for that.

-I don't expect anything from you. I am nothing but your maid, trying to help you.

You stood up, matching his tone for the first time. You shoul've listened to Adrian, and to everyone who said that he was bad and heartless. You should've kept your heart in a box, like you always did, instead of falling for the worst guy. He didn't even say anything about your confession! You cleared your throat and and fixed your dress, walking to the door. 

-I must go back to my room. Adrian probably cooked you dinner while I was held here. Good night.

No title, and no kidness. You still tried to smile softly through your aching heart and didn't wait for his answer as you left the room. You quickly walked back to your room, your eyes teary. This bastard was nothing more than a coward.

L: I'm not hungry!

Loki shouted after you, but you were too far to hear him. He used magic to change into more casual clothes, his face emotionless. Oh but emotions, that was something he was experiencing right now. Especially anger, to not have confessed back. Guilt, to have made you feel like this. Sadness, to not be enough for you. Jealousy, for whoever will be right for you. Because he wasn't. His heart was too hurt, too tired. All he did was repressing his feelings, over and over again, to the point where it didn't only hurt him, but you too. It was quite ironic, actually. He sighed and shook his head, turning his head to the door and closed his eyes. The King of Asgard knew that it would be pointless, but still tried to sleep. For once.

You opened your door's room, only to find Adrian reading. Did this man ever do something else in his life? He was about to say something but when he saw your tears, he threw his book aside and opened his arms. You sobbed unwillingly and didn't bother to change, as you just let yourself fall in his embrace. He sighed and held you close to his chest.

A: do I need to break his face?

He said very seriously, making you chuckle and sniffling at the same time. You were so grateful to have a friend like him... 

-Shut up!

You chuckled again, wiping your nose with the back of your hand. He smiled, even tho you couldn't see it and pressed a kiss to the top of your head. You slowly wiped your tears, snuggling closer to him.

A: Do you want to-

-no.

You said with a little voice, your bottom lip shaking. You didn't want to talk about it at all.

A: alright. Sleep, you'll feel better tomorrow.

You considered the idea and looked up at him, your nose, cheeks and eyes red.

-Can I sleep here?

A: You mean in my bed?

He said chukling, brushing some hair away from your face. When you nodded, he smiled softly.

A: of course.

You both made yourself more comfortable, and you laid your head on his chest. He wrapped an arm around you to provide you warmth and comfort, making you drift to sleep in two minutes. Tomorrow is another day. What worse could possibly happen...?