Online Love (fem reader × Kenma Haikyuu)

31. In the blink of an eye

I yawned and nuzzled closer to Kenma, I spooned him and listened to his soft snores. He fell alseep earlier, but I didn't mind - he needs his rest.

I nuzzled my face in the crook of his neck from behind and hugged him closely. I played with his silky hair and let my mind wander.

I flinched when i felt him moving around and let go of him. He turned around and opened his eyes sleepily "Hey there..." I whispered gently "did I wake you up?". He shook his head groggily and sat up, back facing me "no. I didn't dream well". I frowned and caressed his back gently "want to talk about it?" But he shook his head no.

"Kenma I am really worried about you, please talk to me" I sighed and sat up too. "You grew distant and colder. And I don't get why, if something is wrong I'll gladly listen and help you after all we are....well...you know" i sighed. But I feel like I triggered him more than encouraged him "No. It's hard to explain but I don't want to talk about it, not with you" he sighed. Not with me?

"Oh...well alright...I'm just worried Kenma-" "Don't be!" I frowned and nodded "Okay...sorry" I mumbled. He sighed and stood up "Kenma don't leave...please" I sighed but he crossed his arms, staring at the wall. "Am I too clingy? Tell me if I do something wrong I just want your well being" I pleaded but he just turned around and glared at me "why? You're not my girlfriend!".

Ouch.

He's right, I am not. But why did he tell me?

"I know Kenma...but I thought we are simply not labelling it. I thought there are still feelings involved? Or am I wrong?" I frowned.

"You agreed on the non committing!" "Yes but- but I agreed because I love you!" I balled my fists "I agreed to make you happy! And I am really okay with it but you said this will be unlabelled as long as we know our terms ourselves! But I feel like we are not on one term...Kenma I love you and I care about your well being! I worry about you and I want you to trust me" I sighed and carefully took his hand in mine, but he pulled it away.

"Don't say that so casually", his voice sounded hurt, why? "What? That I love you? Sorry but it's true..." I bit my lip and felt tears welling up "just be honest with me...will I ever be your girlfriend?".

I searched for an answer in his eyes, but he simply stared at me. I can't make out what he thinks or feels right now. I closed my eyes shut and faced the ground, trying to hold back the tears.

"So I really am just a phase for you?" I whispered, my throat felt sore as if I am about to cry. I looked back up just to see him walk out of the door "Kenma!?" I gasped. He is just walking away from me?

"So I really don't mean anything to you?". Again silence. He didn't even bother to answer and closed the door behind him.

It took me another minute to comprehend what just happened, and then it hit me - he left me. He walked away from me and my confession. Was that it? Did I overwhelm him?

I felt hot tears running down my cheeks, all I wanted was to be there for him so why was I being punished for it? Was it so hard for him to trust me, that he leaves me like this? What does this even mean now!? Are we over? Does he just need space? Did I say something wrong? I felt my lip quiver and laid back down in my bed. Did I really mean nothing to him? Did our time mean nothing? On the other hand, why did I feel so pressed about it? We aren't together, but we also aren't just friends.

I sighed and pulled the blanket over my head, maybe I can get him to talk to me tomorrow.

How did this end up like this? I just wanted to comfort him.

It escalated so quickly, without any bad intentions.

Was it really over? Just over this small inconvenience? I wiped my tears furiously,  I had to talk to him tomorrow! I had to clear up everything...

After all I want to be with him.